The Ten Walkers
by jr.Journalist
Summary: Whilst on a jog i randomly find myself stuck in Middle Earth, dragging a friend along for the ride as we're forced not against our will to join the Fellowship...serious fluff for the ladies. Legolas anyone?... and lots of action! Plz read! Luff ya!
1. A simple run

A/N:Dear Reader: This is my second Fanfic, and, like the first, was written with the aid of Nikkila from up the road. Cheers doll.

Of course, I don't own Lord of the Rings…but I do own this story line. I made it up all by myself  with the aid of Nikkila of course…

So here goes…enjoy everyone! And please review! (imitates cute little puppy dog eyes)

A SIMPLE RUN…

It was the afternoon, on a brilliant sunny day, and I was out for a run. I always run in the afternoons, it being such a beautiful time of day. I always also run in the same place, Okura bush walk. This bush walk is just five minutes down the road from where I live and skirts the Weiti River, where I swim from time to time, and ends in a beautiful beach which is quite idyllic for surfing. Anyway, on this afternoon I was jogging along my usual path, taking in the familiar scenery, when I noticed a disturbance a little way down the track. Harsh voices were rising into the air and it was quite unnerving to hear, but I kept running, wanting to see what the fuss was about. Had I known then what I was about to run into, I probably would have turned tail and ran. Needless to say, I didn't know what I had run in on. I ran over a narrow bridge and continued my way down, I was aiming to go through the gate and end up on the beach, then return. The voices were growing louder and I could even hear a clash of steel on steel. What on earth was going on here? I slowed myself down to a slow jog and rounded the last corner before the gate. I stopped in my tracks. There seemed to be a battle going on, with twenty or so…Orcs. There was no mistaking them. I had read all about them in Tolkeins famous adventures of the Ring and even seen them in the movies. So what were they doing here? It was not until several moments of shock had passed that I realized that the Orcs were fighting against none other than the Company of the Ring. The Nine Walkers. The Fellowship itself. Wait a minute, these characters are not real, they're…characters, in the famous book and the even more famous movie. Yet here they were, Viggo Mortensen and all. It seemed I had lingered too long, because at that moment, an Orc stopped its fighting to look at me. He gave a harsh yell and everyone stopped fighting at once, well, at least the Orcs stopped. Aragorn took a swipe at one and it fell down dead.

"Look!" Pippin proclaimed. Everybody was now looking at me, I didn't know what to do. Should I run? Should I scream? Should I faint?

"Um, hi." I said feebly.

"Get her! She is one of their company!" A particularly ugly Orc shouted to the rest of his gruesome friends.

"Lady! Take this!" Aragorn cried to me, flinging a long sword at me. The Orc Company attacked, and so did the Fellowship. Meanwhile, I stood as still as though I had been blinded. The Orcs kept coming. How am I supposed to fight with a sword!

Alas, it seemed I had no time to learn even the basics, so I had to improvise. Even as I look back to that day today, I often feel a strong surge of pride. I was definitely a natural shall we say. However, as the last straggling amounts of Orcs were left, their chief started right at me. I panicked and stumbled back, he jumped on me and I could feel his putrid breath as he brought us both to the ground. It was lucky I had my sword in my hand, for as the Orc pushed me over, my sword became vertical and it pierced right through his chest. He gave a last squelching cough and collapsed on top of me. Now, a large, dead Orc on top of you is no laughing matter and I heaved his gruesome body away.

"My Lady! Are you alright?" Aragorn (Or was it Strider, or Viggo?) asked me as he knelt down beside me.

"Yeah, I think." I replied shakily. He offered me his hand and helped me to stand. When a few moments of giddiness had left me and I could see clearly once again, I noticed that the company stood round me, gawking at me as If I was some kind of weird breed of worm. Then I reminded myself, I was wearing tracksuit pants with a pink singlet top and running shoes.

"What strange garments she wears." Legolas whispered to Aragorn.

"Lady, may I ask your name and your kindred?" Aragorn asked me.

"Well, my name is Carmen. But I am afraid I don't understand what you mean by kindred." I replied.

"Your kindred. To which race do you belong?" Aragorn pressed.

"Ummm… Well I suppose that I am in your language belonging to the race of men." I suggested.

"Indeed? Well, we have never seen the likes of your raiment before my Lady." Gimli said to me.

"Raiment?" I queried.

"The garments you wear my Lady." Boromir spoke, taking a step closer.

"Oh! You mean my clothes? Well, I'm just wearing tracksuit pants and a singlet top, nothing fancy." I told them.

"But where did you acquire such beautiful cloth? Surely the likes of this is not made on any place in Middle- Earth I know yet." Legolas said.

"Middle-Earth? Darling, I got this gear from Rebel Sports." I told him

"Rebel Sports? I have never heard of such a place." Aragorn said, puzzled. I was silent for a bit.

"Never mind." I said quickly. "You guys probably haven't heard of the place."

"Indeed." Gimli said.

"Why do you like saying 'indeed' so much Gimli?" I asked him.

"How do you know my name?" He asked me back.

"Darling, I know everyone's names here. See there's Pippin, Merry, Sam, Frodo, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas and you. But, where is Gandalf?" I rattled off.

"Alas, we lost Gandalf in the mines of Moria my Lady." Frodo informed me.

"Oh, bugger." I said sympathetically.

"Pardon?"

"Never mind." I said quickly again. There was another awkward silence.

"My Lady! You are hurt!" Legolas cried out. I looked at my arm and saw there was a five-inch gash running down it.

"Oh, its nothing." I insisted.

"I must protest my Lady, that wound needs to be cleaned and dressed." Aragorn told me.

"Thanks for the first-aid advice Aragorn, but I think I'll be fine." I told him.

"Please, let me help you." Legolas asked, starting towards me. I started to blush but really didn't mind being that close to Legolas himself. He cleaned the cut and was applying a bandage, sitting quite close to me. I blushed even harder.

"You fought very bravely my Lady. You must be learned indeed to have wielded a sword as you did." Legolas said to me. I looked at him. His eyes were extremely blue at this close proximity.

"Actually, that was my first time with a sword." I stammered.

"Surely not!" He exclaimed. I began to turn the colour of a fire engine. Legolas was finished applying the bandage.

"Thankyou Legolas, you're very kind (and handsome)." I said to him.

"Please, do not mention it." He smiled at me and my heart fluttered. I had a crush on Legolas!

"We must make camp here tonight, we cannot go any further here today." Aragorn told the Company.

"Hey, I've got an idea, why don't I stay with you guys tonight?" I suggested.

"I think that would be necessary." Said Legolas, who smiled at me again. I flashed him my cutest smile.

"I'll just text my mum to tell her I'm camping here for the night." I told the group.

"Sorry, what are you going to do?" Aragorn asked me.

"Oh, I forgot. You guys don't know what texting is do you." I said and got out my mobile phone. They all gasped when they saw it and it was passed round the group, where they admired it and started tapping it in weird places.

"Here, I'll show you what it does." I told them. Holding the phone out in front of them I showed them how to send a text message. They all oohed and aahed, and Pippin even gave a cry when the phone went off telling me I had got a reply from my mum.

"Fancy eh?" I said smugly.

"It is the most amazing thing we have seen." Merry told me.

"Wow, I didn't know it was that cool." I said to them.

"Are you cold my Lady?" Legolas asked me anxiously, unfastening his cloak

"Actually, I meant…yeah, its getting chilly." I said. Legolas put his cloak around my shoulders and I couldn't help but give a cheeky grin.

It was a rather exciting experience, setting up camp with the Company. First, we moved away from the battle scene, Gimli complaining loudly that it was stinking of Orc foul. Then we found a nice little shaded clearing where we rolled out blankets and started a fire. Dark clouds began to roll in as the sun went down and we huddled close to the fire to keep warm, eating a rather small supper.

"I'm sorry we do not have more food to share with you my Lady, but we must keep close watch on our provisions so that we do not run out." Legolas told me sadly.

"Don't worry about it, this is fine." I told him happily, and an idea struck me. "Hey, why don't I nip up to my house tomorrow and grab you guys some food to take with you on your journey!" I said.

"That would be greatly appreciated." Sam said, looking hungry.

"What kind of food do you have Lady?" asked Pippin.

"Well, I have all kinds of stuff, like muesli bars, very delicious. Chocolate! You guys will love chocolate. And I could give you some bread and jam and stuff." I said, counting the food off on my fingers. They all cheered and were in a far greater mood after that. I could tell their spirits were high and they seemed really happy. It seemed, however, that I spoke too soon. A great raindrop had just fell out of the sky and fell hissing into our fire.

"Bloody Auckland weather." I mumbled. Soon the rain was falling hard and a chill wind began to blow.

"Some of us should get some sleep, if they can, while two can watch as guard." Aragorn (the leader, of course) suggested.

"I shall go on guard first." Legolas spoke.

"And I'll join you! If nobody has got any objections, of course." I said eagerly.

"Do not stay awake too long, wake me when you begin to tire." Aragorn told me.

"OK, sure." So Legolas and I built up the fire again and sat huddled around it, trying to keep warm. I started to shiver, as I had only pants and a singlet on, even though the elf cloak was wonderfully warm. Legolas noticed me shivering.

"My Lady, you are shivering! Why did you not tell me that you were cold?" He asked, jumping up and going over to his bag, pulling out a blanket.

"Oh, I just didn't want to bother you is all." I said through chattering teeth.

"Here…" He placed the blanket round me and shifted closer so that he could keep me warm. Needless to say, I started to blush again.

"My Lady, of all the people we have met on our travels, you have been the most wondrous and gracious of them all. Not least to mention the fairest to look upon." Legolas said to me, making me giggle.

"Legolas you are too kind." I gushed.

"Really, I speak no lies." He insisted.

"Well, thankyou very much Legolas. I must say that it has been wonderful to meet you, and the company of course." I said quietly. Suddenly, there was a rustle in the bushes. Quick as lightning, Legolas had an arrow fitted to his bow, aiming into the darkness.

"What was that?" I whispered.

"I do not know, it slipped away before I could catch sight of it." Legolas replied. He stood there for a few more minutes before returning to his place by the fire.

"It was probably just a rabbit or something." I whispered.

"Let us hope that that is indeed what it was." Legolas said with a sigh.

"Why are you guys so highly strung all the time? You should try to relax once and a while." I said to him

"I'm sorry, but what do you mean 'highly strung'?" Legolas asked me.

"Here. Let me give you a massage, they're very soothing you know." I moved round behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. Massaging people is one of my specialties. Legolas was very tense; he had all these knots in his neck and shoulders. He seemed to like it, and when I was done he thanked me profusely

"My Lady—." Legolas began.

"Call me Carmen."

"Carmen…our Company would be greatly thankful if you came with us on our journey." Legolas finished.

I was silent for a long while. Of course I would love to go on this quest. To see all the lands of Middle-Earth, to see all the different peoples…but I couldn't go. I didn't belong in their world. I belonged to the future; I couldn't just pack up and leave. I heaved the biggest, disappointed sigh I have ever sighed before and turned to look Legolas in the face.

"I'm sorry Legolas, but I cannot go with you. I don't belong in your world. I would put your quest in jeopardy and I could only cause harm, even if I tried to do good." I turned away. Legolas didn't speak.

"I know what the quest you are on is about. Frodo must go to Mount Doom and cast his ring into the fire." I explained to him.

Legolas was amazed. "How do you know this? Is our secret no longer so?" he asked me.

"No, I think I am the only one you will encounter that knows of your quest. Legolas, it is hard to explain, but I'm from the future and I know how this quest will end." I told him.

Legolas looked at me hard. "You know how our quest will end? But only the Wise are able to tell, and they are not even sure!" He exclaimed.

"Please, don't ask me how I know, just take my advice that I cant come with you. I know too much and I could possibly change the future without meaning to. I'm really sorry Legolas, but I cant." I finished lamely, staring at the ground, at the flickering firelight dancing around it.

"You must sleep Carmen. Tomorrow we have an early start and you need your rest for when you return to your home." His voice was tone-less and I could tell he was disappointed.

"Come, rest your head on my lap, and sleep." He told me.

"What about you?" I yawned.

"I do not sleep in any way that you would understand, just thinking of my home and all the fair lands is all the rest I need." He sighed again and I lay down with my head in his lap, he started to sing and I fell asleep with his beautiful voice in my ears.

When I awoke the next morning, only Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir were up and about.

"Good morning." I yawned, stretching my arms.

"Good morning my Lady." Aragorn said to me. "I am sorry if we woke you."

"Nah, I need to get home anyway." I said to him.

"Must you really go home?" Legolas asked me sadly.

"I'm sorry Legolas, but I must." I said with a hint of resentment. How would it be like to be free? To go wherever I wished?

Soon the company was packed and nearly ready to go, then I remembered my promise to give them food.

"Would you guys just hang around for about another hour? I just need to go home and get some food for you guys." I said.

"Of course we will wait." Aragorn said.

"I'll be back soon." I called over my shoulder as I ran off. I took a shortcut through some empty streets and soon arrived at the bottom of Coastal Heights, the subdivision I lived in. But I didn't make straight for my house. I made a detour round to my friend Nicky's house. I arrived panting on her doorstep.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked me.

"You'll…never…guess…"I panted.

"What?"

"Legolas…Orlando Bloom!"

"What are you going on about Carmen?" She asked me, sounding worried, as if I was insane. As if!

"You've got to come with me Nicky! Its like the Lord of The Rings is happening on the Okura bush walk!" I said.

"Carmen, how can the Lord of the Rings be happening on the Okura bush walk? You're talking nonsense!" Nicky said reasonably to me.

"I'm not crazy Nicky! You have to come with me!" I started tugging at her hand.

"Carmen! What the hell! OK… I'm coming." She sighed. She had crazy friends.

There we go! First chapter outta the way. And believe me, there is WAY more to come…

Go on…press that little button…


	2. Nicky, Fellowship Fellowship, Nicky

A/N: Hay guys! Got my very first review! Woohoo! Just a random fact for all my (future) readers; i started writing this story with my mate when i was 12 years old! Im now nearly eighteen and have finally started to put it on fanfic, piece by piece...

I dont own LOTR...But i sure would like too...

At my house, we grabbed a very roomy bag and raided the fridge and cupboard.

"Carmen, remind me again why we're taking all the food out of your house?" Nicky asked me.

"You'll understand when we get there." I told her, emptying a bowl of fruit into the bag.

"OK, but you probably should give me some warning." She said to me.

"Trust me, no warning I can give you will be good enough for what you're about to see." I told her.

We were making our way down the entrance of the Okura bush walk when we first noticed something strange, as we stepped over an enormous tree root; there was an unusual noise behind us. Like the rushing of a strong wind. We whipped around, but there was nothing there.

"Weird." I muttered. "OK, follow me." We walked a fair way and finally came to the gate.

"Well, you wanted a warning, and here it is: Don't pass out on me." I told her.

"What am I going to see Carmen?" She asked me, alarmed.

"Its nothing scary, I promise. It's just, weird." I opened the gate, and we walked into the clearing.

There was the Fellowship, standing together, waiting for me to return with the food. Nicky stopped dead.

"You can't be serious." She said to me.

"I am." I replied.

"But they can't be. They just can't." Nicky said, trying to reason with herself.

"Oh but they are." I said, grinning. I walked forward. "Guys, meet my friend Nicky."

They stared at her like they had stared at me the first time they had seen me. I could only imagine what they were thinking: Another one?

"Hello." Said Pippin.

"Uh, hi." Nicky said, staring at them.

"Here's the food by the way guys." I said, putting the bulging bag at their feet. They shifted through the contents, staring at the odd packaging and sometimes even nibbling a bit on a piece of fruit they had never seen before. I laughed when Pippin tried to eat the plastic surrounding the bread.

"How do you get at the food?" He asked me. I laughed even harder.

"How did you find them?" Nicky asked me.

"I was doing my normal run, when I came across them. They were fighting some Orcs when I ran into them."

"Orcs? You have got to be kidding me." Nicky said, staring warily over her shoulder. "Were they filming or something?" She asked me.

"Filming? Nicky, this is the actual Fellowship!" I said excitedly.

"But, how did they get here?" She asked.

"I dunno, maybe they…escaped out of a television or something." I suggested. Now it was Nicky's turn to laugh.

"Escaped out of a television?" Nicky asked me sceptically.

"Hey, it could happen." I shrugged.

"We don't live with the Teletubbies Carmen, you know that eh?" She joked.

"Come on Nicky I'm serious here." I told her.

"OK, well what do we do now?" She asked me.

"What do you mean what do we do now?" I asked her.

"Well, these guys obviously don't come from around here. What do we do if they stray into Orewa? That could be disastrous." She said pointedly.

"Oh yeah…" I said. How did she think of all these things?

"Maybe we should ask them where they came from. I mean, its not like they materialized suddenly on the Okura bush walk right?" Nicky suggested.

"OK." I said nervously.

"Hey…you…hobbit-person, Pippin! That's his name. Oi, Pippin!" Nicky yelled to the nearest person.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Ummm, may I ask where you guys came from?" Nicky asked him.

"Well, I come from the Shire, away over on the South side of Hobbiton…"

"No! I mean, where were you before you came here?" Nicky said impatiently.

"Oh! We were in Lorien, visiting the Lady Galadriel." Pippin said. Nicky sighed noisily.

"I don't think you'll get much more out of them Nicky." I said, grinning.

"No, I don't think I will." She replied.

"Look, we can't exactly do anything with them, so I don't think that we can do much. Hopefully they'll just sort it out themselves." I told Nicky.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I just hope they don't turn up on 3 News tonight." Nicky said.

"Maybe we should go home." I suggested.

"Yeah, OK. I got some homework to do." She said. I turned to the group. It was time for our final farewell.

"Well guys, its time for me to say bye." I told the group. "Me and Nicky have to go home."

"Surely you can't stay with us a little longer?" Legolas asked me.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." I said, sadly.

"May we at least escort you to your homes?" Legolas asked us. Hint, hint. I looked at Nicky, Nicky looked at me. I could tell exactly what she was thinking.

Nicky pulled me slightly to one side so they couldn't here us.

"I know it would be disastrous if we were seen, but to be seen with Orlando Bloom, by someone like… say, Samantha! Come on Carmen! It would be awesome!" She said in a wheedling voice, while looking out dreamily in to space.

"Oh all right, but only to the road." I said. But I couldn't help feeling a little like Nicky. Imagine the look on Samantha's ugly face!

So we set off together, towards the gate, chatting and laughing at the hilarious devices of Merry and Pippin. All too soon, it seemed, we came to the road. Or where the road was supposed to be. "Uhhh, Carmen?" Said Nicky, "Isn't the road supposed to be here?"

I looked over at her and frowned, "Yea, yea it is. Maybe it's just further on…. Maybe." I thought this would be highly unlikely as we had both traveled this track a thousand times or more. She gave me a skeptical look.

"Ummm yea, maybe." She shook her head and carried on. "Maybe we should just keep walking for 5 minutes and we'll get there. I mean, its not like we're lost."

So we went on for the 5 minutes. Still, nothing. We were both getting worried by now. And then it clicked, the Orcs, the strange people, including the supposedly non-existent hobbits, and the strange whooshing sound behind us as we crossed that root. Nicky looked over at me, "Uhhh Carmen, 'I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.'"

"You freak Nicky, only you would know quotes from the wizard of Oz…retard." I muttered this last under my breath.

"You know what I mean Carmen, don't be such a loser."

"Anyway, maybe we should focus on the situation at hand. Like the fact that we're STUCK IN THE LORD OF THE RINGS!" I yelled.

"Look, all we have to do is… hold the phone!" Nicky turned to the others; "Maybe this is destiny! Maybe it is meant to happen, and you and me are some kind of… of heroes… I'm a stupid git, let's be logical here, we are stuck in a fantasy novel… no logical explanation. Lets just play cool, and calm down, this could be an adventure!" Then she grinned and whispered to me so the others wouldn't hear, "An adventure with some of the hottest guys on the planet!" She winked at me, and grinned an evil crocodile grin.

"OK, first of all you're nuts. Second of all… Legolas is mine." I whispered the last bit, so only she would hear. "OK, so, we're stuck in a novel and we're in their time etc. Maybe our time is holding still, maybe when we get out of here time wont

have changed." I finished.

"Legolas is yours? Damn, why couldn't they have another elf? Back to what you were saying, time stopped? Cool, I am immortal! AAAhahahahahahahahaha!"

"How do you know you're immortal?" I asked her, puzzled.

"I know that I am oh so much smarter than you are, and that I was in all the top stream classes in year nine and some of them in year 10, and I have year ten and eleven wisdom that you have yet to gain. But think about it, if time has stopped in our… realm, then it would defy the laws of physics, because we would grow old here. Then, in our realm if we ever go back, we would to the rest of the world be old in an instant." She said to me, as if was the most obvious thing ever, and then, infuriatingly, she gave me one of those, 'I know more that you do' looks. I felt like pummeling her, but her and I were pretty well matched in strength, size and ability, so my efforts would be futile.

"Smartass." I muttered.

"I heard that." Nicky said reprovingly.

"Oops." I said.

"OK, so, first, we need to manipulate the whole story and throw J.R Tolkeins ideas out the window, by finding me an elf." Said Nicky.

"Trust you to only think of your love life Nicky." I said, grinning.

"Well, its only fair, I'm a hideous beast in our realm, so, maybe the guys here might be blinder than the guys in _our _world." She said hopefully.

"OK, enough of this. We need to inform the guys about our, err, predicament." I turned round and found the Company staring at us as if we were speaking another language. Which was kind of appropriate, considering the stuff we were talking about.

"Err, guys, there's a problem. We can't seem to get back home. It's really complicated and I don't have time to explain now but we have to come with you. Don't ask." I told them, probably increasing their feeling of confusion.

"You're coming with us!" Legolas said ecstatically. "Well, this is strange indeed! First you say that you must go, now you wish to come with us."

"It's complicated Legolas, but the deal is we can't get home." I told him, wondering what and how much to say to them all.

"What is also strange, I must say, is the way you speak." He added.

When he turned back to explain to the others that we were staying, Nicky mouthed behind his back, 'He is soooo hot!'.

'And he's mine', I mouthed back.

Her reply was, 'You HAVE to help find me one then. Pinky!' We did the Pinky stamp.

A/N: Thanks for reading that guys! Of course reviews are always welcome (just dont rip in to me too much), so PRESS THAT BUTTON:3


	3. Saving Boromir

A/N: Hay guys, heres the 3rd!

It took the Company a while to get used to their two new companions, not that we weren't fun to have around. Us two did unusual, funny things that amused the other travelers. For example, I was walking along one day and chatting to Legolas and randomly said, "Oh, I hope my mum tapes Survivor for me while I am away!"

And the time when it was our turn to take watch by the fire, we started playing an old favourite clap game. "Under the Bambi bushes, down by the sea…" Consequently, Merry and Pippin burst out laughing.

"Hey, we were bored." Nicky told them indignantly.

Then, another time when the two of us were making dinner, Nicky was taking orders from each of them in turn. When she got around to Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo, she gave Pippin a saucy wink and said, "Hey sexy, what you want for dinner?" For a few days after that, the hobbits, not really knowing what it meant, went around calling everybody 'sexy' which inadvertently set us into continuous fits of giggles.

Because we effectively came from the future and vaguely new how the story turns out, we knew that Boromir would die soon, so in order to know when this was going to happen, we had to find out what the date was.

"Aragorn?" I asked him that morning.

"Yes, my Lady?" He replied.

"What is the date?"

"Today is the 25th of Febuary."

I gasped and looked at Nicky with wide eyes.

"Oh my God, Nicky, tomorrow…" I whispered to her.

"I know…" Nicky whispered back, her eyes brimming with tears.

"We have to go." I said to Nicky. And we ran off.

"I can't believe that tomorrow is when Boromir dies! Can't we warn him Nicky?" I asked Nicky as we were searching for Boromir.

"We _cant_! That will alter the story too much, and then Frodo might not get the ring to Mordor, and then, us along with everybody else will… die I suppose."

"OK, OK. It just is unbearable knowing what will happen to him and we can't do anything about it." I said unhappily.

"We can do something though, we can make his last hours… the best we can." Nicky said, looking equally unhappy as myself. We found Boromir sitting on the bank of the river Anduin.

"Boromir? Could you please teach us how to 'wield' a sword, please?" I asked him tentatively. He looked at us, puzzled.

"Why do you wish for me to teach you how to fight?" Boromir asked us.

"Well, you never know when it will come in handy you know, we could stumble on another band of Orcs…soon." I said, with a hint.

"Carmen!" Nicky hissed at me.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"Very well, I will teach you. Perhaps you are right. We are drawing near to danger, you may need the skills soon." Boromir got to his feet. "First, we must find you swords."

We managed to get swords from Aragorn, which he carried in his pack. Boromir showed us the basics, and when we had those moves memorized, we went on to more complex swordplay. Boromir was impressed with our progress.

"I have never seen anybody progress so quickly with a sword. You are fast learners." He panted as we went through our paces.

"Thanks." I said, wiping sweat from my face as we had a quick break. I looked around and realized that Aragorn and the hobbits were watching us. They started to clap as we finished off, or at least the hobbits did, Aragorn just watched us intently, a frown upon his face.

Nicky looked at Boromir and flashed him a brilliant smile, "Well, anybody for dinner?"

Nicky and me cooked up a brilliant storm. Meat, bread, fruit, muesli bars, spaghetti on toast, and our specialty; jarred pickles covered with Nutella and chocolate chips. This was Boromir's favourite, to our surprise. The hobbits didn't touch the pickles. Dessert followed the main course, we brought out a sponge cake I had nicked from the cupboard and covered this with whipped cream. Needles to say, the hobbits loved the dessert. But no amount of chocolate could stop Nicky and me from thinking that this was Boromir's last dinner, and as everybody went to bed, full and happy, we slept uneasily, for fear of the events that would follow in the morning. It seemed like it was the middle of the night when Nicky sat bolt upright in bed, and though she did say, "Wake up Carmen!" She didn't need to, for I had been awake all night. "Oi, it never occurred to me, and obviously not you, what if… what if one of _us_ dies tomorrow?"

"We wont die tomorrow Nicky, don't be thick." I said shakily. I didn't want to talk about tomorrow. What had seemed like a gift, to see the future, had turned into a burden. The burden of knowledge. "We know how to fight Nicky, we'll be OK." I assured her, my throat choking up.

"How the hell do you know that, we aren't in the novel, our lives aren't assured! We might die! And sure we can fight, but you know that the Orcs that Saruman sends against us tomorrow aren't exactly the trash! They are some of the best there are!"

"Nicky, I may not know as much as you, but I know that we were sent here by purpose. Why else would the portal have let you and me pass through it? Why didn't the portal close when it was just me? There's a purpose in all this Nicky, believe me." I lay down, staring hard at the stars, but not seeing them.

Nicky started to grumble, "I wish I weren't so stubborn, I'm of a good mind to go and get myself killed tomorrow just to prove you wrong." She said, frowning.

"Don't you dare Nicky. It's not funny to joke about stuff like this. Don't you leave me here alone." I said, panicking slightly.

"Hey, hey! Don't fear! Where did the old Carmen go? The one that _did_ joke about death, ya'know, by a filthy big Lorry truck that came hooning down the road!"

I grinned, "Hee, I remember that."

"Just as well, just as well."

"Alright, well I suppose we should get some sleep."

"Why? The one chance of 'do whatever we want' without old fogey parents holding us back and making us go to bed, and you want to spend it sleeping?"

"Well, what the hell do you want to do in the middle of the night?" I asked Nicky in surprise.

"PARTAY!" She yelled it out and effectively woke the rest of the camp.

"Sshh!" I whispered and giggled at the same time. Then I heard Nicky let out a little shriek. I sat up fast, "What is it…" Then I gasped in surprise, for above us stood Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir, all with their weapons drawn.

Legolas looked at me.

"What is the danger?"

Nicky started giggling. She looked up at him, "Ummm, distant dreams of a party."

"Party?" He said.

Nicky looked over at me and said in Pig Latin, "Ehay siay osay orgeousgay henway ehay siay onfusedcay." (He is so gorgeous when he is confused.)

"Iay nowkay." I said, and giggled. I looked up at Legolas, "There is no danger Legolas, just a false alarm."

"Why do two young prestigious ladies giggle so much? I have been around Lords and Ladies, Kings and Queens, and all their children, young or old, but none of them giggled so much! Neither did the common folk. So which, my lovely young companions, are you?"

"Ummm, Carmen, which are we?" Nicky looked over at me grinning.

"We, my good friend, are young ladies from the good and honest country of New Zealand." I giggled, sounding like I was on the bottle.

"Yes, but are you common, or are you…_ prominent?_" He asked us earnestly.

"Prominent? My good Legolas, I have no idea what you're talking about." I said, starting to laugh now.

"Legolas! I thought you were smart, how could you look at…. Girls as skilled, as smart, as just plain beautiful as us, and not realize, that our fathers are very prominent among the ruling lords of New Zealand, you disgrace us!" Said Nicky, smiling benignly at him.

The men all bowed low at this, and Legolas looked up at us, a sheepish look on his face, "Forgive me for my sins, My ladies," he put his head down, "I am sorry. I would not be surprised if you were done with me, with all of us, for not giving you the respect that you deserve."

"Please Legolas, do not waste your polite words on us, Nicky here was just exaggerating, weren't you Nicky? Please Legolas don't be sad, we were only joking. Honest!" I said cheerfully.

"Carmen! How could you just disgrace the name of your father this way? We swore at our tenth birthdays, that we would never forego the names of our fathers. And us, we both have direct bloodlines to the throne!" Nicky said indignantly to me.

"Come on Nicky, you're making everybody nervous. What the hell bloodline are you talking about?" I added.

"Making them nervous am I? And so I should, I am fourth in line to the throne of NZ! Ha ha, you are only sixth."

Boromir frowned, "So you are saying, Lady Nicky, that you are a lady, and Carmen is just a commoner?"

"Exactly!" Nicky said haughtily. "Only, I'm a nice rich person, and I made friends with the common folk."

"Do not flatter yourself Nicky, If anything _you_ are the commoner, and I am the Lady." I said to Nicky, then I turned to the group. "Guys…" But Nicky interrupted.

"Nope, not true, remember Carmen, _I_ can play the Piano, and only ladies can do that. And I used to play the violin, hahaha, you, like the commoner you are amused yourself with more…common things like… ummm, TV!"

I laughed. "Nicky you Lady like beast you. How dare you call me a commoner! You may play the piano, but I play the drums! Bow to me!"

"NEVER!" She shouted with a vengeance, "I will _never _bow, ahahahahaha, you must bow to ME!" And she whacked the back of my legs, just at the knee joint, and I toppled over, onto my knees, Nicky turned to the others, "There you see my power? I can make people bow!"

Legolas came over to me and helped me to stand. "Please Lady, do not resort to violence to make people bow to you." He looked at Nicky. "If it must be so, then I will bow next to the Lady here," And he did just that.

"Hey buddy! You misunderstand! You make me sound like a bloodsucking tyrant, you see, before you stands an ugly commoner, and I got you to bow…feel proud!"

And she erupted into a victory dance, cheering.

"Please Lady, do not take such names upon yourself. It is not right. In my eyes, you both are Ladies beyond worship." He said, and bowed low again. I blushed hard.

"Hey, it may not be right, but I am of such a pure heart that I only speak the truth. And, hey, nothing I can do about it, jeez, Carmen, if you went any redder you would turn into a tomato!" Nicky said, staring at my face.

"Come on Nicky, we should get some sleep, gotta get up early tomorrow and all." I wanted to add 'hint, hint', but I didn't.

Nicky stood up dramatically, and said in a loud haughty voice, "My people, it is time to retire to our uhhh, slightly less than glorious chambers."

Merry looked over at Pippin, and said, "We better be careful, otherwise these two will steal the role of group jokers."

Pippin looked at Merry astonished, "But… but they are _girls!"_

Nicky laughed, "Damn right!"

"You better believe it Pippin, and you better watch your title as well." I said, giving him a cheeky wink.

"OK, so, G'night, everybody." Said Nicky. And she promptly lay down, and went to sleep, I quickly followed suit, we all would need our sleep tomorrow, every last one of us.

I woke up the next morning feeling depressed. I knew that I couldn't change the future and that I shouldn't meddle with these sorts of affairs, but I still couldn't let him just die. I formed a secret plot in my head; I was going to rescue Boromir.

"Good morning Nicky, or should I say, Lady Nicky?" I asked her, as she was getting up from her blankets.

"Damn right you should say 'Lady'."

"Well, _lady_ Nicky, you look like you just stepped out of a swamp."

"Well, speak for yourself! So, what's for breakfast?" She said, looking around eagerly.

"Well, since your servants aren't here to serve you, you'll have to deal with just baked beans and toast." I laughed cheekily and handed her a plate.

"Hey, your Highness, you better watch it aye?"

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, you better eat up, we're on the move today and you know pretty much what we'll be up to." I said, giving her a warning look.

"Fine, fine, whatever you say your majester."

I looked over my shoulder; the Company was packing bags and equipment, ready for today's move. I bent closer to Nicky and whispered; "Are you sure we cant do anything about 'you know what'?"

Nicky glanced over at me sharply, "Carmen, you know that we cant."

"Yeah, I know it's just that I can't just sit here and let him die. He was so nice to us." I said in a pleading voice.

"Remember, he goes all evil today, and tries to nick the ring off Frodo. We _could_ stop him doing that, just to keeps Frodo's spirits up."

"Nope, cant do that, he's gotta go." I said, correcting her.

"Stink." She replied.

"Yeah. Well, maybe there's nothing we can do about it." I said, downcast, as I applied myself to my breakfast. Just then Aragorn came over to us.

"My Ladies, we require your opinions. We are having a council in Parth Galen to decide which paths the Fellowship are to take." He said to us.

"OK, we'll be over in a sec." I said.

We sat in a circle with the Fellowship, both Nicky and me noticed that Frodo and Boromir were missing. We looked at each other nervously. What if things didn't go according to plan?

"Look," Said Nicky, "Carmen and I know some things." I looked at her sharply, she threw me back a defiant look, "Well, we're about to be attacked by a whole heap of Orcs, and we know what will happen, so, be prepared OK." She flashed them a cheery smile, and settled back down to listen.

Gimli stood up in a flash, "TRAITORS!"

Aragorn grabbed his arm. "Gimli, settle down! They aren't traitors."

"They have betrayed us from the start, they know what will happen! Who will die, they are in league with the Orcs! They have set us up! It is their fault that we came this way!"

"GIMLI! We were coming this way from the start!" Said Aragorn, raising his voice.

"But they already knew that we were coming this way, they must have told the Orcs! Otherwise the Orcs wouldn't know where we were!"

Legolas stood up in anger, "They are ladies of pure heart, I am an elf! I know whom to trust! And you are a dwarf, you let your anger rule your senses!"

Gimli turned on us, "Why did you betray us, we were nothing but kindness to you."

Nicky stood up, "Hey mate, cool it! Don't be daft, we wouldn't betray you."

Gimli narrowed his eyes, "Cool it?"

Nicky rolled her eyes, "Some people don't know a thing, to put it in short, shut up!"

I stood up to join the argument. "Hey! This isn't fair; we are trying to warn you! If we wanted to help the Orcs, would we have told you that they are coming?"

"Two supposedly innocent young maids turn up one day and we just immediately trust them. THEY DECEIVED US!" Gimli shouted.

Nicky was most obviously getting angry, as was I, "Look," She said, "You are short and fat, so shut up." And she folded her arms and looked down her nose at him.

"OK, everybody listen up. We come from the future. We know everything that happens to you and we know every detail about your quest. As weird as this seems, it's true." I finished. There was a deadly silence.

"This is a gift! Could you not give us information that could guide us? We do not know what road to take, and we are weary. Please will you not help us?" Legolas asked me, pleading.

"Legolas, if I told you everything, then it could mess up everything. I mean, things could go wrong and people might die because of it." I said, looking him in the eye.

"But you could _save _lives my Lady. We could win the Great War and save many cities and win renown in Middle-Earth." He reasoned with us.

"Please Legolas, we have told you too much already! We had decided last night that we shouldn't tell you about the Orcs, because it could affect the future. But we have changed our minds, and put forth the idea that _your_ lives are more valuable than possibly an entire race of Middle-Earth!" I breathed deeply; everyone was staring at me.

"Well said Carmen!" Nicky said, looking approvingly at me, "I seemed to have rubbed off on you after all."

"Please Ladies, forgive us, we were merely blinded by this gleam of hope. The balance of many lives hangs upon the edge of a knife." Aragorn said, the only person with calmness on his face.

"Its OK Aragorn. Do not ask for forgiveness, you have done nothing wrong." I said to him.

"Maybe we should just sit down and work this thing out." Nicky said, looking round at us. Everyone sat down again, in the circle, and started out the conversation again.

"We are holding this council in hopes of realising in which way we should choose to go." Aragorn filled Nicky and me in. "All our hopes lie in the decision we have to make." There was a heavy silence following this grave announcement and Nicky and I began to finally feel the strain of what this journey was. It was beginning to loose its reputation of being an adventure, and was starting to feel like an impossible task that we couldn't help in.

"Both Nicky and I know what paths you guys will take, so I know that you'll be able to work it out. Just listen to yourselves and you'll find the way." I said reassuringly.

"Carmen, that was the corniest thing you have ever said." Nicky told me, laughing.

"I'm just trying to encourage them! God, where's your compassion Nicky?" I scorned her.

"Oh, I just left it in a little place called NEW ZEALAND!" She said loudly.

"Ladies, please. This is a difficult time for us all, but we must pull together." Legolas spoke. Nicky and I looked at each other.

"OK, I-." But I was cut short; Boromir had just come bowling through the trees. Nicky gave a gasp.

"Boromir, where have you been?" Aragorn asked him sharply.

"Frodo! I am sorry! It took over me! He is gone! Frodo, Frodo!" Boromir skittered. He put his head in his hands and none of the Company could get anything else out of him.

"We must split into groups and find Frodo-." Aragorn began, but no one listened to him. Merry and Pippin had ran off immediately calling 'Frodo! Frodo!' in their high Hobbit voices. It was then that they heard the harsh voices of the Orcs.

"Yrch!" Legolas hissed, resorting to his own language.

Aragorn stood up and drew his sword. He looked for all the world like some majestic King that rules all lands. "Boromir!" He called, "Right the wrongs in which you have aided, and go after Merry and Pippin."

Boromir jumped up, and with a last glance at Aragorn, left the clearing. Aragorn too, went crashing into the bush, closely followed by Sam.

"My Ladies, please, arm yourselves as needed and stay here until we return!" Legolas called to us over his shoulder as he fixed his bow with an arrow. They sprinted off out of the clearing, leaving Nicky and me alone.

"We can't just stay here! The Orcs'll catch us! And I seriously don't want to end up as breakfast for a bunch of smelly Ogres." Nicky said nervously.

"You're right, we have to go help." I said hopelessly. I picked up my sword and its sheath, which I attached with a belt about my waist.

"I knew I shouldn't have come with you." Nicky muttered. Once we were ready, we stood and looked at each other.

"Well, lets get this sucker over with then." And we went charging through the undergrowth.

A/N: Guys, this is a lighthearted story and should be taken as such. Im not after a literary award here, so don't give yourself a hernia writing some long as review giving me advice about what I should change cos this story was written 4 years ago and I aint gonna change it now!

But thanks for the reviews, nice to know people actually click on a story to read it even though they say that they aren't interested in them. Must have been a bad tv night.

Kia ora!


	4. Under the bush

A/N: Aaahhh...reviews...love em and hate em. Just want to say a quick THANK YOU to my matey up the road Nikkila who provided pretty much all of the funny material for this fanfic, and who defends it mercilessly as if it was her child. Which it kinda is...

Keep staying with us!

Nicky and I had been searching for everyone for only about five minutes when we reached our first obstacle. We crashed right into a party of Orcs. We skidded to a halt; Nicky narrowed her eyes, and lifted her sword a couple of inches to make sure that it was clear in its scabbard. I drew a deep breath; here was the moment I had been dreading.

"Oh dear." I muttered.

"Don't you mean oh '_shit'_?" Nicky said, raising her eyebrows.

"I could mean a lot of things right now Nicky." I said, backing up a little. Meanwhile, the Orcs, having just discovered us, were having a little discussion themselves.

"Are they the Hobbits the Master has spoken of?" Hissed a really ugly one.

"They could be. Capture them anyway!" A really big Orc (who seemed to be their leader) yelled at the rest of them.

"Get them!"

"Nicky! Run!" I screamed.

"Two steps ahead of ya!" We scrambled up the bank. Once we were up the bank, we reached a down slope, and tore down it. As we were running, Nicky caught her foot on an exposed root, she fell forward and smashed her head on a nearby tree.

"Nicky!" I screamed. She rolled part way down until she disappeared underneath the leaves of a large bramble. There she lay, out of sight. I kept running, not daring to look at the Orcs that were pursuing me. I was running blindly, not caring where I was going, but I paid dearly for it. I lost my footing on a particularly uneven patch of ground and slid part way down the hill. The Orcs were on me in an instant. Their cruel hands groped at me and their loud jeers filled all my head.

"No! Let go! Nicky! Nicky! Noooo!" I screamed with all my might, I writhed and kicked but they were too many. They bound my hands and stuffed a wad of material into my mouth. Fear was on me, as I had never experienced it before. I couldn't escape. I was trapped. Where were Aragorn, and Gimli, and my beloved Legolas? Where was Boromir? My stomach gave a horrible lurch. This group of Urukhai was the one that killed Boromir. I shut my eyes, 'please God, help them', I prayed. Just then, a horn rang through the forest. It was the horn of Gondor! Boromir was searching for us after all!

"Hhhmmp!" I tried to yell. The Orcs screamed wildly and covered their ears at the sound of the horn, but I lifted up my head as hope flushed through me. Boromir blew the horn again, and again the Orcs cowered down, but when they heard no returning call, they jeered and rushed towards the sound of Boromirs' blow.

'Run Boromir,' I thought, 'Run away…' But the Orcs were drawing near to the sound, and I knew Boromir had no escape. I closed my eyes, but snapped them open almost immediately. I could hear voices, the high clear voices of the Hobbits.

'No!' I thought frantically. Suddenly, I was thrown aside. I landed heavily on the ground and rolled away. When I was on my back again, my eyes fell upon a desperate sight. Boromir was there, standing in front of the Hobbits Merry and Pippin. The Orc party was in front of him and he was holding his sword ready. So this is when Boromir dies, I thought, and I have to watch it happen… The Orcs started forward and Boromir attacked. Merry and Pippin also had their little swords drawn, but were looking like frightened animals in the path of bright headlights. One Orc dispatched himself from the fray and hurtled himself at Merry, who gave a frightened squeal and hewed at him. The Orc fell down dead. Encouraged by his friends' bravery, Pippin gave a cry and leapt forward to help Boromir. Fear left me, and seeing that my hands were tied in front of me, I was able to crawl forward and grab at the Orcs ankles. I was rewarded with a kick in my stomach several times, but it didn't hinder me. I wrenched the material from my mouth. Anything to help Merry, Pippin and Boromir, especially Boromir. But it wasn't to be. As more Orcs came over the lip of the hill, I saw their captain. The biggest, ugliest and ruthless Orc ever to be made at the hand of Saruman. I saw him walk forward, and raise a bow and arrow. My stomach plummeted and hot fear came over me. The Orc fitted the arrow onto the bow and took aim. I crawled madly in his direction; I had to get to him…Or else. I was now five feet from him. I could reach him! Just a couple more feet…He let go of his arrow. The dart struck like black lightning and pierced Boromir in the stomach. I screamed, long and high. Boromir went flying backwards and landed on his back, but he wasn't finished yet. It seemed everything was in slow motion; Boromir was breathing hard and was struggling to his knees He pushed himself to his feet and resumed his fighting with a yell. I was so stunned and fixed on Boromir that I didn't realise that the Orc chieftain was fitting another arrow to his bow. The second arrow sailed sharply passed me and this time buried itself in his chest. Boromir stumbled again, but would not stop defending the Hobbits. He struggled to his knees, but still forced his blows upon the enemy. Now a new emotion was taking over me: anger. I scrambled towards the huge Orc and threw myself at him, tackling him to the ground. I could not punch him with one of my fists, as they were tied, so I started hammering at his face with my balled up hands. He gave an almighty roar and fixed his hand on my throat, and, with a nasty chuckle, started to squeeze. I choked and tried to reach for my sword, which had fallen from my hand, but it was too far. Then without warning he lifted me up and threw me a good five feet away. I lay on the ground, gasping for breath, and I heard the third arrow whistle through the air, and Boromirs' last scream.

"No." I whispered, screwing up my eyes tightly. Then I knew no more, and blackness came over me.

When Nicky woke up, she was underneath a bush. 'What the hell am I doing here?' she wondered. Her head hurt and she wondered whether she had been clobbered over the head with something really heavy. She groaned and sat up.

"Ow. Crap my head hurts." She mumbled. Suddenly, a thought struck her. Where was Carmen?

"Carmen? Carmen, are you there?" Nicky called, but there was no response.

"OK, plan number one, get out from this bush, plan two, find out where the hell everybody else is." She said to herself and got carefully to her feet.

She started to search the forest around her, but to no avail. She continued down the bank that she was on, when she heard voices, normal voices! Not the grunts that the Orcs emitted. She started to rush down the hill, and emerged into a clearing by the waters' edge, to find Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn standing over Boromirs dead body.

"Shit." Nicky muttered under her breath. "Uhhh, hi guys."

They all spun around, but relaxed when they saw who it was.

They rushed forwards to meet her, and Aragorn said, "You're alive!"

"Uhhh yea, so, is Carmen getting firewood or something?"

Legolas' face clouded with concern, and his blue eyes grew wide with worry. "Is she not with you?"

"No, I thought she was with you!" Nicky then gasped, as she remembered what had happened on the slope, "Ohhhhh crap!"

"What's wrong?!" Said Legolas, frowning.

"Well, you see this great lump on my head? I had a run in with a tree… literally."

"What does that have to do with Carmen?" Aragorn asked.

"We were kinda being chased by this big group of Orcs, and I hit my head, on a tree, and blacked out. But I have a feeling that Carmen wasn't so lucky, if you could call whacking your head on a filthy great tree lucky." Nicky explained.

"You mean they got her?"

"Yeah." Nicky sighed.

"How do you know? Did you see all this?" Said Aragorn.

Nicky rolled her eyes and sighed again, "Have you guys not seen the movie?"

"What?"

"Ohhhhh, that's right, you guys are stupid… I mean, you don't know as much as I do… riiiight."

All the men looked at her confused, and Nicky looked around for something to say.

"Where's Frodo and Sam?" She asked, "Ohhhhh, right, I remember, they've gone off haven't they?"

"Where have they gone?" Aragorn asked in alarm.

Nicky sighed, "They've left for Mordor Aragorn, they are completing the quest on their own. We can't help them now."

Aragorn hung his head, "I feared this would be the path that they chose. Perhaps it is a good thing that the Ring has gone away. They stood in silence for a minute, each debating their own thoughts. Then Legolas broke the silence:

"But what of Carmen and Merry and Pippin?" He asked the group. Nobody answered, but they knew what had happened. Nicky, out of all of them, was the most grieved.

"But we promised that we would be together in this whole thing, I mean, how am I supposed to find my elf without her?" She said, distraught.

"Frodo and Sam are beyond our help, but Merry, Pippin and Carmen need us most. We cannot abandon them to the Orcs. We must go after them, it is plain now. This is the path that we were meant to take." Aragorn stood up tall, and looked at each of them.

"We must go help them." Legolas agreed.

"It has been a while since I had any Orc action, and my axe grows hungry." Gimli growled.

"I knew I was going to be the one who would have to save her arse." Nicky sighed, but with a triumphant grin. "She owes me. Big time."

"Now, we must start our journey. Leave all that can be spared, for we travel light. But first we must give Boromir a proper farewell. We cannot leave him lying amongst the fowl of Mordor." Aragorn said.

And with that they made ready a boat, and laid Boromir gently in it, while they piled the weapons of his enemies at his feet. They sent the boat down the river Anduin and so over the falls of Rauros. When all had been done, they made ready their packs, and started off into the countryside. Aragorn, angry at Orcs for their disrespect; Gimli, his eagerness to kill Orc; Nicky, with grim satisfaction at the look on my face when she rescued me; And Legolas, who's desire to save me from the evil gave him new strength.

When I woke up, I didn't remember a thing. All I could think about was the pain in my head and stomach. It didn't seem to be physical pain, more emotional. I was dimly aware of voices around me, my heart picked up. Voices! People! I wasn't alone. And then I recognized the harsh growls of the Orcs. My stomach plummeted again. Slowly, I opened my eyes. It was night time, and the Orcs had set up camp fires in the dark. Iturned my head to the right, and saw Merry lying there asleep. Or dead. The light on his face made him look as white as death. I looked to my left and saw there Pippin, but he was awake. 'Good evening' he mouthed at me. 'Is Merry OK?' I mouthed back. 'Yes, he's just sleeping.'

I turned to look back at Merry; he had a dirty strip of cloth across his forehead that was blood stained. I wondered what had happened to him. I gave a moan and slumped back onto my back. How did I get myself into these things? Nicky would never let me live it down. If I ever saw Nicky again, that is.

I turned to Pippin again, "Where are we?" I whispered.

"We have come away from the Emyn Muil, and we seem to be headed towards Isengard, by what I've heard from the Orcs." Pippin whispered back.

"Isengard?" I said in alarm. "Crap."

"It would seem so." He said back.

"So where are we now?" I asked him, forgetting my knowledge of the Lord of the Rings.

"I think we are in Rohan, the land of the Horse Lords." Pippin replied.

"Rohan." I whispered.

"Yes, but even in this good land, I feel so afraid. Look at all these Orcs! We will never get away from them!" He said in desperation.

"Don't worry Pippin, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are coming for us." I said confidently.

"And what about Frodo and Sam? And our good friend Nicky?" Pippin asked.

"We don't have to worry about Frodo and Sam anymore. They are fulfilling their quest, and are going alone. And Nicky…" I trailed off into silence. The thought of Nicky had only just occurred. Did Legolas and Aragorn manage to find her? Or was she still lying under a bush, unconscious, completely oblivious to all that was going on around?

"Nicky's safe." I said confidently. Of course she was safe. Why would the portal have let her through if she were only going to be around for a short while anyway? Besides, I had to get out of this mess and find her so that I could hook her up with an elf. With these happy thoughts in my head, I began to daydream of Legolas, coming to rescue me… But my daydreams were cut short. The Orc Company was suddenly really loud, and they were getting to their feet.

"What's going on?" I hissed at Pippin.

"We're on the move again, so it seems." Pippin whispered back.

A really big Orc that had been guarding us suddenly came over and yelled, "Get up, you lazy slugs! Get up, we're going!"

"I beg your pardon, mister!" I said, indignantly.

"Yes, you will be begging your pardon if you don't watch your mouth, filth!" He growled at me, I fell silent.

"Now fall in line! And mind you keep up or you'll be getting a reminder of how fast you have to be going." And he showed me a whip.

I gulped and followed their orders, standing in line behind Pippin, with an Orc carrying Merry behind. We started to move, we were going at an incredible rate. I began to tire really soon.

"Crap, I need to get fit." I gasped, under my breath.

We went on in this manner for a ridiculous number of miles until I finally stumbled and fell over, getting trampled by several Orcs for a reward.

"Wo! Hay, stop there!" The head Orc yelled out. "We'll make camp here tonight."

And with that, the Orcs went to work gathering firewood and setting camp. Merry, Pippin and I lay on the ground next to each other, gasping for breath and shivering.

"I can't go on another day like that." I gasped.

"Any idea's on how to get out of this?" Pippin asked me.

"Not at the mo." I replied. Everyone was silent, except for the Orcs, who were as loud as ever. Finally, Merry woke up.

"We think, we might have made a mistake, leaving the Shire, Pippin." He moaned.

How many of these fields could there be? Nicky thought that New Zealand was a land of fields, but this beat it by a tenfold. Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn and Nicky were running through the fields of Rohan, following the trail of the Orcs. It had been two days of nonstop travel, running the whole time, Nicky was ready to fall over and sleep right there. But the only thing that kept her going was the strong determination to prove that she could be as good as the people she ran with, and of course the fact that I had been taken hostage by the group of Orcs, and Nicky needed to save me.

Gimli looked as if he wanted to stop and rest too, Dwarves weren't built to run long distances.

Night was coming, and Aragorn had finally allowed them time to rest. They stopped to set up camp, although, they did so with much reluctance, as they didn't want the Orcs to get to far ahead. They slumped on the ground, exhausted, but with hope that they may have caught up with their enemies.

Aragorn looked at the dark sky, searching for the moon. "The moon has set early. If we decided to carry on tonight, we could miss the trail of the Orcs that the moonlight had shown us yesterday night."

"We're not going to carry on tonight are we?" Nicky asked incredulously.

"We would, if there were any moonlight to guide us by. But it is too dangerous to travel in complete darkness. What if the Orcs took a different route than to which we are traveling on? We could miss this trail and Merry, Pippin and Carmen would be taken to Isengard." Aragorn said, turning towards Isengard, or in which direction Isengard lay.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I can't move an inch so if we're carrying on, you'll have to carry me." Nicky said, laying herself out on the ground.

"I say we carry on, we cannot afford for the Orcs to get any further ahead of us." Legolas said sternly.

Aragorn thought for a moment. Then Gimli piped up:

"Surely Orcs need rest and sleep as well? If they rest the same time as us, then they won't get any further ahead of us and we can start again tomorrow." He said reasonably.

"Orcs do rest, but they travel at night when they can. They don't like the sun, so they travel slowest then. Maybe tomorrow, when the sun is up, we can gain some ground on them." Aragorn suggested.

"But the Orcs would have been traveling in the night as well! They will pass beyond all hope we have of catching them!" Legolas said desperately.

"OK, here's an idea, how 'bout we walk now? I mean, we don't have to run, and we'll at least be going somewhere." Nicky looked round the group.

"Perhaps that is an idea, and anyway, I long for an Orc neck to attack." Gimli said, getting to his feet.

Aragorn sighed, and got to his feet as well. "All right, we will walk as best we can. But we must all keep an eye open for the track so that we don't lose it."

So they began their treck.

A/N: Just want to say a quick thanks to all those who reviewed;

Tuima, TheRandomScribbler cough na jokes, jennfire, amy, The-Spirit-of-a-Child, EvilFuzzy9... isnt the purpose of fanfic to CHANGE the plot???

Oi, for all those who havent yet read the reviews...you have to check it out!


	5. Stuck up a tree

A/N: Welcome aboard to Bobadoo! Hope ya stick around mate. Enjoy the 5th enstallment guys

Merry, Pippin and myself were jogging along as best we could, trying to keep up with the Orcs, because whenever we lagged behind and Orc would attack us with a whip. As my stamina started to wane, I stumbled and an Orc behind me yelled and flicked his whip at my legs. It stung and smarted and I turned around angrily:

"Watch it Mister!" I cried, "If you want me to run, then there's no point in munching up my legs!"

"You'll have no legs left if you don't watch your self, maggot." He growled at me.

I turned around and resumed my run, but not without a mumble of 'stress' under my breath. It was getting ridiculous; non-one could run for this long! Tears of exhaustion and frustration streaked my cheeks, I was about to give up and collapse, when the Orc in the lead announced that we would stop for a while. I almost screamed with relief.

"My God, I swear I was about to collapse." I said to Merry. He didn't reply. None of the Hobbits spoke that much now. They just went to sleep, and then started running again, each time their faces withdrew and grew darker.

We settled ourselves on the ground and curled our cloaks around us to keep warm. I was covered in cold sweat and shivering. We lay silent and listened to the noises all around us. I looked to my left, and was surprised to see that we had camped near the skirts of a deep, dark forest. Hope stirred in me, if we could only get to the forest… But it was no use, Orcs were swarming all round and there was no way to break through their ranks. If only we could get to the forest…I shivered harder, racking my brain for information about where we were. We knew already, of course, that we were in Rohan, Land of the Horse Lords. I tried to visualize a map of where we were, and felt sure that we had journeyed almost directly across the plains of Rohan and now were on the skirts of Fangorn forest. My stomach curled, we were near Isengard. Hurry up guys, I thought. They've almost got us…Merry began to moan in his sleep, Pippin was lying motionless, light from the nearby fires dancing across his face. He looked peaceful, all cares and weariness temporarily erased from his face. Merry and Pippin had been so good to me, taken me with them and shared their food (and some of mine), and the last drop of hope that I had stored in my heart evaporated. It was over. We had come to the end, of all ends. I closed my eyes and wept quietly. No one was coming for me. Nicky, Aragorn, Gimli, and my Legolas; all too far away to save us. How was Nicky going to react when she saw my mangled body? I shuddered, and cried harder.

Out of the stillness of night, I heard cries. The Orcs were yelling about something, a great commotion was going on, and it was moving this way. The captain and some of his gruesome friends huddled some few feet away from us, and began a heated conversation.

"So the horse-fools have spotted us eh? Those meddlesome fools wont get far, I've got Chagrin located on the south of the Entwash. They won't get far." The Captain growled.

"Chagrin was killed by their men, he didn't make it back to camp to warn us in time." One of them told him.

"What? Blast their hides! They shall be made to pay." The Captain screeched.

"Ugluk, they will be on us within a day! We cannot defend ourselves if we don't call Shagrat's group back." One of them implied.

"Oglun! Fetch some of your men and go to the East lookout and bring back Shagrat and his miserable crew!" Ugluk ordered.

"Yes, sir!" And he left.

"Captain, shouldn't we be on the move?" One of the Orcs asked.

"No, we stay here and wait for Shagrat to join us, then we take out those ass-riding fools." Ugluk growled at him. "Come, we must prepare." And the Orcs hastened off.

Drip after drip of warm, sweet hope was returning to me. My body was tingling and I raised myself several inches off the ground, looking around. I saw Pippin lying next to me, his eyes wide open and staring. He noticed me looking at him and whispered:

"Did you hear all that?"

"Yup, every word. What do you think?" I asked.

"I think we might just have a chance." Pippin whispered.

"I'll tell Merry." I said, and turned over, sat up, and gently shook Merry awake.

"Are we going on again?" He asked miserably when he had woken up.

"No, but we've just found out something that might interest you highly-." And I told him all of what I had heard.

"So, Men from Rohan are coming to attack the Orcs?" He asked in a hushed voice.

"Yep, so they come, cause riot in the camp, and we slip off quietly into the forest without anyone knowing we're gone!" I explained happily.

"OK, sounds good. We just have to hope that none of the riders mistake us for Orcs." He said wearily.

Nicky was stumbling along in the dark, her legs moving instinctively up down, up down, up…With no end. Aragorn was as strong as ever on the outside, his grim face searching the night, with his hair trailing behind. Gimli was like Nicky, pushing himself to lift his foot, set it down, and push. His head was bowed, as if exhaustion was pulling him to the ground. And Legolas, my dear Legolas. The elven prince with his long golden hair and silver voice. Running with his light footsteps, always in front of the group, using his determination as fuel. They didn't know if they were catching up, all they knew is that they had to get to Merry, Pippin and myself before Saruman did. They had lost track of how many days and nights had passed since their hunt had started, but they kept going. Nicky was keeping her eyes peeled for a sign, the tiniest of clues that might help them in their search. And she found it. When a dark cloud had passed over the moon, its rays illuminated a shape on the ground.

"Wo! Hold up there guys I think I've found something here." She called to the group, who stopped immediately.

"What is it my Lady?" Aragorn asked.

"First of all, the name's Nicky. Second of all, I think there's a body over there." She pointed to the dark lump.

"Stay here." Aragorn ordered to them and marched off to the body. They watched him silently as he bent over the dead thing and pulled something out of it. He looked around for several minutes and then returned.

"The body was that of an Orc. He seemed to be a spy. He was shot some hours ago. I found this arrow in him, and it belongs to the Rohirrim of whose land we are now in. I also found horse prints in the soft ground near the Orc." He informed them.

"What does this mean?" Nicky asked him.

"It means that we may not be the only ones who are chasing these Orcs." Said Aragorn, with a note of hope in his voice. "I have been doing some calculating, and I do not think that we could get to the Orcs in time to save Merry, Pippin and Carmen. But if the Rohirrim are chasing them also, they may cross the river Entwash and cut off the Orcs from Isengard."

"So, they could be saved after all?" Nicky asked, not daring to believe her ears.

"We will see, we will see…" Aragorn whispered

Things were dark and quiet when the first attack of the Rohirrim came. The Orcs sounded a warning call and defenses were put up all over the camp. But the people of Rohan charged through and the attack was hot. The air was full of the sound of arrows whistling, swords clashing, and horses neighing madly as battle rage came over them.

"Come on!" I yelled over the sounds of the battle and pulled Merry and Pippin over. We scurried through the long grass, but could only crawl, as we were so weary. When we reached the safety of the trees, I collapsed on the ground and panted hard.

"I need some food." I mumbled. "I haven't had proper food in days."

"I have a few lembas left on me if you fancy." Merry told me quietly. "I managed to grab some before we got captured."

"You did?" I asked faintly.

"Yes, but I'm afraid it's all broken into crumbs, but I will grab what I can." And with his hands tied he rummaged in his pockets for his leftovers. He handed me a pile of crumbs that was all that was left of our lembas bread. I scoffed it down nonetheless.

"Come here and I'll undo the ropes on your hands." I told them both. They came forward and with my fingers and teeth I managed to free them both. They then undid my bounds and I sat there, rubbing my wrists to get the circulation going again. When I could finally feel my fingers, I undid my feet, which had only recently been tied.

"Come on, we've got to get into the forest." I told them and we flitted from shadow to shadow, away from the sounds of battle, despair, and death.

"There is a smoke in the air, and the red sun rises. Blood has been spilt this night." Legolas said, shielding his eyes with a long slender hand as he gazed into the distance. Aragorn was lying on the ground, his ear to the earth as if listening to what it had to say. His eyes were closed and Nicky wondered whether he had fallen asleep. Suddenly, he jumped to his feet, giving Nicky a fright.

"A host of men on horses are coming our way." Aragorn informed the group. "They are headed directly for us and there is no place for us to hide."

"I say we go a little from our track and hide as best we can until they've gone." Nicky said, voicing, as she always did, her opinion.

"But they may have news of our friends! We must speak to them!" Legolas cried out.

"I suggest that we sit and wait for their approach." Aragorn said, looking at each of them in turn,

"OK, but if they turn out to be murderous monsters with swords I'm afraid that I wont be able to resist an 'I told you so.'" Nicky said with a sigh, and settled herself down on the grass.

They seemed to be waiting for age upon age for the riders to appear. Aragorn and Legolas saw them before Gimli and Nicky, for they had better eyesight and hearing. The gentle galloping of the horses slowly reached them and tiny pinpricks appeared on the horizon. Nicky was growing apprehensive now. What if they hadn't heard about Carmen and Merry and Pippin? Maybe they had captured them and were taking them to their leader? Be reasonable Nicky, a voice said in her head, these people are the Rohirrim remember? They are in the movie. But we're not in the movie; we're in real life…She wished she had Carmen here to tell her what had happened in the book. She wished she had Carmen here full stop. She could tell that Legolas was missing her too. She sometimes caught him staring into space, singing softly of 'a lady white and fair, with flowing hair and magic voice…' whatever that meant.

Nicky buried her head in her knees; she wished these riders would hurry up and give her news, any news, some news. The thundering was getting louder and the baying of their horses was getting nearer. Then, like a wave, they rushed past the travelers, without even noticing them. The host was almost past when Aragorn stood up and yelled in a clear voice:

"Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?"

The riders checked their steeds with brilliant speed and skill and placed themselves in a circle around Gimli, Legolas, Aragorn and Nicky.

Nicky gulped, and raised her hands slowly in a sign of peace.

A tall rider clad in shining mail rode forward.

"What business does an elf, a man, a woman and a dwarf have in the Riddermark. Speak quickly!" He said in a stern voice.

"We are travelers, hunting a band of Urukhai across your plains. They have taken three of our friends captive."

"The Uruks are destroyed, we slaughtered them in the night." The captain said. "What are your names?" He looked at us through narrowed eyes.

"Give me your name horse master, and I shall give you mine." Gimli said stoutly, putting his little legs apart.

The captain got off his horse, and strode towards Gimli, stopping just in front of him.

"I would cut off your head, dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground."

Legolas acted in a flash. He had an arrow fitted to his bow and was aiming it at the captain before anyone could blink.

"You would die before your stroke fell!" Legolas snarled at him

"Guys, Guys! Calm down all right?" Nicky muttered out of the corner of her mouth.

"Please, Legolas." Aragorn muttered, and stepped between Legolas and the Captain of the Rohirrim. "My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, this is Legolas of the Woodland Realm. We have Gimli, son of Gloin, and Nicky of the Realm of, er… New Zealand." Aragorn finished, giving Nicky a sideways glance.

"New Zealand? I have never heard of such a place." The captain said.

"And what is _your_ name?" Nicky asked him, rather rudely. As are the ways of Nicky.

The captain lifted his head; "My name is Eomer, son of Eomund, Captain of the Mark." He said.

"Do you have any news of our friends Captain?" Nicky asked him eagerly.

"Did you see the Hobbits? And the Lady Carmen?" Gimli joined in.

"The two Hobbits would be small, only children to your eyes." Aragorn stepped forward.

Legolas stared hopefully into the Captains eyes, "And of Lady Carmen, a fair woman, with long hair."

"Woman? She's only 16." Nicky said incredulously.

Legolas glanced over at her, "Yes, a woman."

The Captain looked remorsefully at the travellers; "We left none alive."

Everyone was shocked, their search had been in vain…

Eomer felt sympathy towards the travellers; they had obviously struggled in great toil to help their friends.

Eomer gave a whistle, "Hasufel! Arod!" Two handsome young horses came trotting up at his call, "May these horses bear you to better fortune than their former masters."

He walked away and mounted his horse, taking his spear from a man next to him, "Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope, it has forsaken these parts." He looked over his shoulder.

"Thankyou Eomer. Send greetings to your King." Aragorn said, bowing low. The others followed his example.

"We ride north!" And the Rohirrim charged off in a rush of hooves.

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Nicky stood looking at the horses, then glanced at the rising smoke in the distance, screened by the darkness of Fangorn Forest.

"Well, there's no use in us just standing here," She jumped onto the back of Hasufel and cried; "Away my fellow cucumbers!" They all looked at her queerly.

"What is a cucumber?" Gimli asked. Nicky laughed.

"Never mind, let's just go."

Aragorn joined Nicky on Hasufel, Legolas and Gimli on Arod. With the sun climbing high over them, they started their treck towards the gloom of Fangorn.

I was breathing hard, running just ahead of Merry and Pippin when we heard a heart-stopping crash. The low grunting threats of an Orc were just behind us. Pippin gave a gasp and I clapped a hand over his mouth. The Orc had stopped moving now and I knew with all my heart that it had heard us. Orcs, with many other traits, have extremely sharp hearing.

"Follow me!" I mouthed at them, but I wasn't sure they had seen me in the dark. I started to creep quietly off, hearing Merry and Pippin breathing sharply behind me. I skittered over to a large tree. I pressed myself close to it, willing it to swallow me into its strong, safe bark. Merry and Pippin were squashing up against me, trying to make themselves as small as possible.

"Come out! Or I'll get you, you little rats!" The Orc shrieked just behind a clump of bushes in front of us.

"The trees'!" Merry hissed at us, indicating the leafy skyscraper beside us. Merry and Pippin started scrambling up this giant plant, with me waiting slightly impatiently for them to hurry up, bouncing nervously on the balls of my feet and staring over my shoulder at the noise getting increasingly nearer.

"Ah, stuff it." I muttered, and ran wildly to the next tree and tore feverishly up it. I got up a fair way, then stopped, Merry had just yelled, and next second, there was a thump on the ground. I gasped as my eyes fell upon Merry, lying at the base of the tree. The Orc, who was standing over Merry, holding a vicious looking knife, had just pulled him down.

"Merry!" Pippin cried in dismay. He then gave an odd yelp and fell backwards out of the tree. I watched in astonishment as a gnarled bough that looked for all the world like an arm, caught Pippin around the waist as he fell. The Orc above Merry raised his knife-

"Let's put a maggot hole in your belly." He snarled. Merry wasn't paying any attention to him, but staring over the Orcs shoulder at the tree that was raising its enormous rooted foot. A second later, the foot came crashing down upon the Orc, and, needless to say, you don't walk away from an incident like that.

"Merry! Run!" Pippin shouted from the clutches of the tree.

Merry got to his feet and attempted to scramble away, but was scooped up and the tree held them at arms length. The tree surveyed them thoughtfully, then spoke in an eerie, airlifting voice that seemed to come from the core of its body. It raised the hairs on my arms and sounded like a song.

"Little Orcses, _Burarum_," The tree said with a deep rumbling noise of disgust inside his deep throat.

"It's talking Merry, the tree is talking!" Pippin said incredulously to Merry.

"Don't talk to it! Don't encourage it!" Merry said with a frightened glance at the talking tree. The tree regarded them curiously.

"Tree! I am no tree! I am an Ent," The Ent said with his deep rumbling voice. "Treebeard, some call me."

The Ent turned around, and took one stride in the opposite direction they had come in. They were going deeper into the forest.

And I was stuck in the tree.

Part of me wanted to call out to Merry and Pippin, part of me wanted to stay in the tree forever, unnoticed by any living creature. Treebeards' voice was growing fainter and fainter as he strode away.

"Merry! Pippin!" I squeaked, thrusting out my arm as if I could reach them. Seven seconds later, Treebeard, Merry and Pippin were completely blocked from ear and sight. I was completely alone, stranded in Fangorn forest, stuck up a tree. I gave a nervous giggle and almost fell out of my tree when a strange animal gave a queer call nearby. How could Merry and Pippin have forgotten me? Maybe the appearance of a talking tree had driven me from their minds. And I would have liked to have met Treebeard…

OK Carmen, think…You've read the book for God's sake! OK, so Merry and Pippin are off with Treebeard, Aragorn, Nicky, Gimli and Legolas are searching for us and Gandalf…Gandalf! Gandalf should be here any minute! He's just finished beating up the Balrog and should be brought back to life by now, and he meets Aragorn and stuff here! I wondered how far away Aragorn was and how long he would take to get here. It would take three days at the least.

I sighed and started to climb down the tree, it was quite hard in the dark. When I reached the bottom, I peered cautiously through the gloom, and saw the suns' first rays creeping through a hole in the vast leafy canopy. So much had been going on that I had forgotten about how much time had past since our escape from the Orcs. I walked towards the suns' rays and found that the ground rose into a hill. The sunlight was dancing on the crown of it. It was still quite gloomy, but the light was somehow relaxing, and I sat on the very top, watching the sunlight grow stronger and the forest awakening from its' slumber.

I suddenly realised how tired I was, not just physically but emotionally too. Being driven like cattle by the Orcs, being separated from Nicky, losing Legolas…

I lay down and felt my body sinking into the strangely comfortable grass. I closed my eyes and rested for a while, not thinking of anything but how good it was to rest again. It felt like it had been a million years since I had slept in a proper bed; indeed, it felt like a million years since I had slept at all. Despite the situation, I was overcome by tiredness and felt my body slink into sleep, with the sunlight on my face.

I should have known it was too good to last.

It felt as if I had been asleep for only two minutes before I was being shaken awake. It took a while for the sleep to disappear out of my eyes until I could see properly and even then I wasn't sure if I was still dillusional. Standing over me, all dressed in white was Gandalf.

"Gandalf!" I said, feeling a little star-struck.

"Who are you, and how do you know my name?" Gandalf asked me, still griping my arms.

"Relax Gandalf. My name is Carmen and I come from a place called New Zealand."

He looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"It's on the planet Earth?" I suggested.

Still nothing.

"Anyway, I am stranded in Middle Earth and I have been travelling with the Company of the Ring for quite a while in which time I developed a crush on Legolas, learnt how to fight with a sword and was captured by a band of Orcs."

"Indeed?" He said, flabbergasted.

"I gather you have beaten the Balrog and become Gandalf the White?" I asked him.

"How do you know so much? And how did you come to Middle Earth? Surely you didn't come by the Sea?" God, that wizard can ask some questions.

I took a deep breath. "Well, it all started when I was walking along my favourite path when I came across some Orcs. But it wasn't just Orcs; the Fellowship was there too. The Orcs attacked me but the Company saved me. They then invited me to stay with them. I went and got my friend Nicky to say hello to them and when we returned we found that we had somehow travelled from New Zealand into Middle Earth. You see, Middle Earth looks a lot like New Zealand." I stopped there and let my words sink into Gandalfs' mind.

"Who is this Nicky girl you have spoken of?" He asked me eventually.

"Oh, she's my friend from up the road. She kind of accidentally landed herself with me into this trip. While she's here I'm gonna hook her up with an elf and show her round Middle Earth." I wasn't sure if this last piece of information was vital to Gandalf.

"How did you come to be here?" Gandalf asked me. He was now standing, so I got up too and we walked to a flat stone where we both sat down.

"Well, Merry, Pippin and myself were captured by a band of Orcs some…four days ago, I think it was. Boromir died trying to save us. Frodo and Sam have gone off by themselves to try and find Mount Doom. Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn and Nicky set out after Merry, Pippin and me and they should be here soon." I informed him.

"But where are Merry and Pippin now?" Gandalf asked, looking around.

"Oh! They went off with Treebeard." I said.

"Treebeard…" Gandalf breathed

"Or Fangorn, if you want his proper name." I said.

"Yes, yes I know Treebeard. He has been a friend of mine for some time." Gandalf told me, looking thoughtful.

"Aragorn and stuff should be here by tomorrow." I told Gandalf.

"Indeed? Well I do hope they hurry, I am quite restless to see them all." Gandalf said to me, leaning back on the stone.

A/N: There you go guys! Rate and review. You know the drill.


	6. Yah huh!

A/N: Hay guys! REALLY big chappie here for you...and if you dont like our story, then dont read it. I think this request will fall on deaf ears because some people put there like to waste their energy in life complaining about everything instead of appreciating and being nice. Life's too short guys.

"Can we _please_ stop now." Nicky whined to Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn. They had reached the skirts of the forest, but still had to follow that for a few miles before they came to the site of the battle. Night was falling fast.

Legolas slowed his horse to a walk while Gimli nodded off behind him.

"Yes, we shall stop and rest here for the night." Aragorn said, dismounting Hasufel and leading him to a large leafy oak tree whose branches were ancient. They set camp beneath this tree and built a fire. It was now completely dark and they could just see their horses in the firelight. It was Gimlis' turn to watch tonight, but nothing significant had happened, considering they were on the border of an ancient forest.

Nicky was just nodding off when a noise rent the air. Their horses were neighing in terror and suddenly pulled free of their bonds. They ran, screaming and champing into the darkness.

"Our horses!" Nicky cried miserably. Aragorn was looking round and listening intently:

"Something has scared them. Something's out there."

Nicky gave a nervous glance over her shoulder. "OK, you can stop scaring me now Aragorn." She said wearily.

Just then, Gimli gave a shout. "Hi! Hey! Who are you, and what is your business here!"

They turned to face the thing he was shouting at and saw, just on the edge of the firelight, half concealed in shadow, was an old man, hooded and cloaked. He was leaning on a walking stick and wasn't moving.

Aragorn took a step towards him. "What do you want!" His hand was straying to his belt.

And as suddenly as he had appeared, the old man vanished. Nicky gasped. That was no ordinary old man. There was a shuffling in the bushes behind them and they whipped around, Aragorn drawing out his sword which gleamed menacingly in the orange light as if it was on fire.

Nothing emerged. They stood frozen for a good five minutes, listening, waiting…But the old man never returned.

Nicky was the first to speak; "Well, that was the freakiest old man I've ever seen, and I've seen some freaky old men in my time." She said.

"That was no ordinary old man." Aragorn said, placing himself on the ground.

"Yeah well, say whatever you want, but he was still freaky." Nicky replied, sitting down next to him.

"Well he's caused an awful lot of nuisance, whatever he may be." Gimli said irritably, still pacing round the camp.

"He was probably the one who chased off our horses. What a dick, doesn't he realise that we're gonna have to _walk _now?" Nicky said incredulously.

"I am more concerned about who he is, not what he has done to us." Said Aragorn, referring back to his old manner of using riddles a lot.

"Well, who could he be?" Nicky asked.

Aragorn was silent for a while, then spoke; "I think he was Saruman." He said

"Saruman? Are we that close to Isengard?" Nicky asked in alarm.

"We are quite close. No doubt he heard about our hunt, and has come to pay us a visit." Aragorn replied grimly.

Nicky lay back down on her blanket.

"I really hope he doesn't have Carmen, Merry and Pippin, because he's already got our horses." She said miserably.

The next day dawned bright and fair, with only a light breeze and little fluffs of cloud in the sky. Aragorn roused them fairly early and they left quickly, wanting to leave the campsite behind them for good. They found no sign of their horses. They were following the line of the forest, going slightly uphill and saw ahead of them the forest went into a kind of corner, and what lay beyond the corner was out of sight. They rounded the corner and emerged at the top of a small hill, if you could call it a hill. In the distance, the peaks of the Misty Mountains rose tall into the sky, smattered with white snow. Isengard lay amongst these mountains. The wide lands of Rohan drew to a close and ended on the banks of the River Entwash sparkling in the distance. They turned their attention back to Fangorn forest and saw with a jolt in the stomach that they had at last reached the battle site of the Orcs and the Rohirrim. There was a wide circle where the grass was trampled and burnt, smoke was rising from a great burning heap of flaming Orc bodies, their captains' head thrust onto a wooden spear and forced into the ground. All about there was a reek, which could only be described as the smell of death.

"Wo, Carmen, Merry and Pippin were in _this_?" Nicky asked in wonder.

"I hope not, they could have come to serious harm. Come, let us see what evidence there is on the battle field." Aragorn said.

They scrambled down the bank and strode into the heart of the battle scene. There was not much to find, as everything was destroyed, and only the trained eyes of Aragorn and Legolas were able to scour the area, looking for clues. Gimli and Nicky went to look at the Orc bodies. Nicky pinched her nose as they neared the bodies. Burnt Orc wasn't the most pleasant of smells to say the least. Gimli was poking around with his axe in the rubble when he gave a call.

"What is it Gimli?" Aragorn asked urgently.

"It's one of their Elven belts." He whispered, holding up the charred remains of a beautiful belt, with interwoven designs and beautiful gems. Nicky's hope was gone. Finally, she knew their fate. At least it was better to now know what had happened.

Nicky stared with dismay at the ground.

"We failed them." Gimli whispered.

Aragorn kicked a metal helmet a great distance and roared with frustration, then fell to his knees. Legolas was whispering a prayer in his native language. Aragorn was looking at the ground.

"A Hobbit lay here," He said, "And the other." He said, pointing.

"O wow, that helps us immensely doesn't it?" Nicky said sarcastically. Aragorn ignored her, and continued;

"They crawled, their hands were bound." He said, crawling himself a short distance as he followed what might well be the last paces of their friends. Suddenly, he stooped, and held up a piece of thick rope.

"Their bonds were cut! And look! Crumbs of the elven bread, lembas!" Aragorn said excitedly, which roused the company a fair bit. It wasn't everyday that Aragorn got excited. Aragorn now got up and started striding away, following what was evidently still the trail. He stopped.

"Their tracks lead away from the battle, and into Fangorn Forest." He said, raising his head to stare into the forever gloom of the wood.

"Fangorn." Gimli whispered in fear, "What madness drove them in there?"

Aragorn turned and faced them. "We have now two choices: To go into Fangorn Forest and search for Merry, Pippin and Carmen, or we go to Edoras." He told them.

"Wo, hold up there buddy, I ain't walking to Edoras, not without a horse. No way." Nicky said, and she folded her arms.

"I agree with the Lady Nicky." Said Legolas.

"Thanks Legolas mate, good to know someone here has brains." She said. Gimli was in conflict with himself; He was reluctant to go into the dreaded gloom of Fangorn, then again he didn't want to go walking all the way to Edoras.

He sighed, "Fangorn it is."

"I have been in Fangorn on several occasions and I believe that I could help us strike a considerable path." Aragorn said calmly.

Legolas was looking strangely happy.

"You seem mysteriously happy my friend Legolas." Gimli said.

"I have wanted to enter Fangorn for many years. Some of my kindred used to live there many ages ago." He said, and followed Aragorn into the trees.

"Well, at least one of us is happy." Nikky muttered, and followed after him.

Picking through the vegetation in Fangorn was not the easiest of tasks. They were all extremely scratched and sore, apart from Legolas alone, who seemed to be able to avoid the various branches. They hadn't been at it long when there came the sound of a stream flowing ahead of them.

"There is the River Entwash ahead of us, hopefully the Hobbits and the Lady Carmen stopped here for a while, and left their tracks for us." Aragorn said, looking back over his shoulder at us. They climbed down the bushy banks and examined the muddy bed. After many minutes of searching they did find tracks, but they weren't exactly the tracks they had been searching for.

"Orc tracks! Or I have never seen them." Aragorn said with great interest. There was no sign of the Hobbits or Carmen. "We will follow these tracks and see where this Orc went, for I believe he could have something to do with our friends," Aragorn said, and started to lead the way again. The Orc had made for further inside the forest, amongst all the tall trees, when suddenly his tracks stopped.

"Where'd he go?" Nicky asked.

"What's that?" Gimli growled, pointing into the dark at a dark shape on the ground. They approached cautiously (you can never be too careful) and slowly looked upon the shape. It turned out to be a very squashed Orc that looked as if a one thousand kg weight had just landed on him. Not very pretty.

"I'll wager he has a _very_ bad headache right about now." Nicky said, stepping away.

"Indeed!" Gimli snorted in disgust.

"But how did he get that way? And look at all the loose dirt on the ground, and those queer markings leading away!" Aragorn said, indicating all around where they stood.

"Oh my God! Look!" Nicky squealed delightedly, and pointed to the base of a tall pine tree. There, without question, were the footprints of a person.

"The Lady Carmen was here!" Legolas said delightedly.

"Yes, and look here too, Merry and Pippin's footfalls. Though they can hardly be seen." Aragorn said, bending close to the ground to get a better look.

"How old are the prints Aragorn?" Nicky asked urgently. There was now a chance that they might find them after all.

"These marks are only just over a day old, if I am not mistaken. But Merry and Pippin's footprints are only in this one spot. Why then do the Lady Carmens' lead all the way over there?" Aragorn asked, turning towards the company. "It is as if Merry and Pippin flew off into the distance."

"Well, I say that we follow Carmens' prints, now that we've found them." Nicky said without hesitation.

"OK, we will follow the Lady Carmens' trail, though we do not know where it leads." And Aragorn, being their chief investigator led them off as he always did. But they only had to go about twenty meters. They stood at the bottom of the small hill Gandalf had found Carmen on and stared up in disbelief. Gandalf and Carmen were standing there, looking out over the trees, and debating today's weather.

I whipped around; someone had just given a cry behind me. And there they were, standing at the base of the hill and staring at Gandalf and me with utter disbelief in their faces. I grinned and said:

"'Bout time you lot turned up!"

Nicky gave a squeal and came racing up the hill towards me. She threw herself on me and I staggered as she clung there, babbling on about how she would never let me out of her sight again. When she finally let go of me she finally turned her attention to Gandalf.

"Gandalf! Wo this is too cool! Carmen and Gandalf all in one day!" She cried, and proceeded to bombard him with questions about his favourite food, colour and what his star sign was.

"You little rascal you!" Gimli was standing in front of me, looking pleased but slightly annoyed. "You led us over a thousand miles of plains, and forced us to come after you into this wretched forest!"

"Well, good exercise for you eh?" I said, trying not to laugh at the indignant look on his face. Gimli went then to save Gandalf from the tirade of Nicky.

"Aragorn! Well done mate, I knew you would find me." I said appreciatively to him, and he bowed low, with a smile on his face.

"We are glad to see you well. But may I ask, what has happened to Merry and Pippin?" He said, looking around as if they would suddenly spring out and surprise him.

"Have you heard of Treebeard?" I asked.

"Treebeard? So they have gone with him have they. I must talk to Gandalf about this matter." And he bowed again and went to speak with the old wizard. Now there was only one person left, and my heart ached to speak to him again.

"Legolas!" I ran to him and put my arms around him, burying my face into his shoulder. "I knew you would come for me." I whispered.

"Of course I came for you, I could not just abandon you." He replied, placing his arms around me in turn. Did Elves hug? I wondered. Suddenly he laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked him.

"I'm just glad to have found you, that's all." He replied.

"And I'm glad you found me, when Merry and Pippin left, I was all on my lonesome and it was really quite stupid." I said.

"Indeed it has been quite boring without you too." He said. We both fell silent, and the silence was a little awkward, I didn't know what to say, I just stand there with Legolas's arms around my waist.

"The silence was incredibly boring." He whispered, and bent down to kiss me. Now this is better, I thought to myself, and ran my hands up his back until I found his neck. Now, I'd never read about Elves kissing anywhere, but Legolas could sure kiss. I playfully brought him to the ground and just lay there, wrapped up in his arms.

"Aaaawwww, that is sooooo cute! Anyone got popcorn?" I heard Nicky's voice and twisted around.

"And what?" I laughed.

"And you so have to get me an Elf, like you promised!" Nicky said, staring down at me pointedly.

"Yeah, yeah, when he turns up." I murmured, and turned back to Legolas, "Now, where were we?" I asked.

"Oh that's nice!" Nicky scoffed, "I risk arse and limb to save you and you go and give me cheek!"

I burst out laughing, jumped up and ran over to her, where I gave her the biggest hug.

"Thanks for rescuing me Nick." I said to her.

"Yeah well, someone had to save your ass." Nicky replied. I laughed again.

"How did I survive without you?" I asked in mock wonder.

"Meh, you did OK." She said, shrugging. I smiled. Everything was back to normal, well, as normal as it would get in Middle Earth.

"So," I said, turning to the group. "Where to next?"

The sun was low on the horizon, and we were riding along in companionable silence, when Nicky said, "I think I miss chocolate. I have a _major_ craving right now. Oooh, and doughnuts, mmmm Pizza!" Then she sighed, "But mostly chocolate."

"Ummm chocolate? What's that?" Said Legolas.

"It's _the _most delicious thing ever to be made… ever! Well apart from Orlando Bloom." Nicky said, winking at me.

"I'd have to agree with you there, utterly and completely." I replied.

"Well, there _is_ always Josh, but it's unlikely that I'll see him again for a while at least." Nicky sighed again.

"Don't worry Nick! You'll have an elf soon… I promise." I said.

"As long as it's soon." Nicky said grinning.

"What else do you miss from home?" I asked.

Nicky laughed, "Interaction with hot teenage guys… that have cars."

"Mmmm, cars…" I said. "I miss transportation."

"Well, at least we're getting fit." She said. She was right, in the month that we had been in Middle Earth our bodies had toned up and we were now fitter that ever. Also, the impossible had occurred and we were tanned… but damn did we need a mall.

Our clothes were becoming ragged and torn from over use. I was still in my trackies and singlet top that I had been wearing that fateful day when I went for a run. Although on passing I had grabbed a jacket when we had gone and raided my house for food. Nicky was in jeans, which were wearing holes in the knees, and fading all over. Her baby tee, along with my singlet were starting to get rather… dirty.

"Yeah, fit is right!" I said.

"If only I had a bikini and some guys now!" Nikki said. Then she tensed her upper arm; her biceps stood out, "Look Carmen! I have visible muscles! That's new."

"Yeah, but it's good. We needed to get fit and…muscly." I said.

"Oi, imagine what it will be like when we get home. We'll be like, instant muscly!" Nicky cried.

"Yeah, home…" I said, my mind drifting off into space.

"Don't worry, we'll get home. And not only that, when we do get back, imagine the look on Nick's face when you turn up all tanned and skinny." Nicky said with delight.

"Paching, that's over, seriously. He's now like, some random dude far, far away in the deep dark reaches of my mind." I said.

"Ooooohhhh that could hurt his feelings you know, if only he was here to hear it." Nicky replied.

"I wish he _was _here to hear it. Would probably save me trouble when we get home." I said.

"Well, if we do get home, then to him you would like… like him one second and then hate him the next… hehehe _freaky._"

"Well, he wasn't the most forthcoming guy ever, so, he'll get over it." I said casually.

"He wasn't your type anyway. I think I'm missin' the whole T.V business though." She said staring wistfully into space.

"Yeah, I miss Average Joe. That was the funniest reality T.V show ever. Mind you, we won't have missed any programs 'cause we're like, frozen in time or something eh?" I said, looking over.

"I just miss Saturday night movies, even though half the time they aren't that good. They have some hot actors in them, here there are only 5 hot actors, and three of them are little people. And the rest of the hot ones we haven't even met yet. Oh except that dude that was banished by that evil, greasy, ugly, evil, gross Wormtongue dude… yeah that dudes hot, what's his name?"

"Eomer." I replied instantly.

"Yeah him, he's _definitely_ hot."

"You met him eh? I was with Merry and Pippin but you were with Aragorn and stuff so you should have definitely met him." I asked.

"Yes, yes I did." Nicky said dreamily.

"Lucky. Anyway, I get to meet him as well. You know, I'm also looking forward to meeting the Lady Eowyn, I mean, she's a lot like us. Tramping along with all those guys. Definitely like us."

"Yeah… maybe she can give us some clothes… I need some more clothes, and I need to wash the ones that I'm in. Maybe we could ask these boyos if we could stop for a while near a stream, to wash our clothes, and ourselves."

"That'd be good, you know, our hair is getting really long, well mine is, yours is growing too." I said.

"I know, it reaches my shoulders again." When we had begun the ahhh, journey, Nicky's hair had been really short, and now it reached her shoulders, mine reached my butt.

I reached up and lifted a lock of my hair; it was perfect, falling in waves. I growled deep in my throat, "Why is my hair perfect when no-one is here to see it?"

"Ummm, _because_ no-one is here to see it."

"Typical. Oh well, better now than never I suppose." I said, fingering my locks.

"You know, some people could consider me a guy, my hair is shorter than the average guy in middle earth, and my face is fit to match." Nicky said.

"Here we go," I muttered, then began my usual debate with Nicky, "Nicky, you do not look like a guy, nor will you be classed as one. Seriously, you have nothing to worry about." I said.

"Paching, I've never had a … feminine figure, no curves or anything, and now I have muscles, from so much exercise, although I was … slim before, now there isn't an ounce of fat on me, I soooo could be classed as a guy."

"What do you mean you weren't feminine before? That's the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard! Don't make me come over there and beat some sense in you. Pain! Lots of pain!"

"Paching, like you could. Anyway, I'll prove my point. OI! GIMLI!"

"What is it Lass?" He said nudged Legolas to ride closer to us.

"OK, do you reckon I look like a guy?" Nicky said raising her eyebrows.

"Yes… yes I do."  
"Thank you." She said.

"Whatever," I said, "Hey Gimli, you need an eye test buddy."

"I beg your pardon," He scoffed, "I will have you know that I have the eyes of a hawk."

"Yeah, and that's how you got caught by Lady Galadriels' Elves right?" I asked with a grin.

Gimli snorted, "It was a mere lucky chance that they caught me."

"You have the eyes of a Hawk?" I said, then muttered under my breath, "A blind hawk."

Gimli chose not to hear me, he turned back to Nicky and said, "Why do you ask?"

"Because, this retarded friend of mine was trying to convince me that I'm pretty, and I would have to disagree. She's pretty right? I'm not, that's the way it works."

"Yes… yes she is." Murmured Legolas, he blushed when he realised we heard him.

"Oooooo, Legolas is in luuuuurrrrvvvvee!" Nikki said laughing.

"Excuse me, don't diss my Elf!" I said indignantly.

"You can diss mine when we find him. Although, I cant see how we can get me an elf, considering I look like a guy."

"Wear a helmet." I suggested.

"That would hide my head for sure, but then I'd look even more like a guy."

"Hey, nobody said it was foolproof." I said.

"Alright, I have an idea! If I plait my hair, then Id look less like a guy, 'cause most of the guys these days have those warrior tails."

"Yeah! That would work. But seriously, you do not look like a guy. And you do not look like you have run into a brick wall." I said seriously.

"OK, so I don't look like a guy, but I can't look any good if Gimli reckons I do."

"Are you kidding me? Gimli spends all his time in caves so I don't know why we even asked him in the first place." I joked. Gimli chose to ignore me again.

"OK, so we can ask Legolas, he has elf eyes, they are good right?" She said.

"I suppose. But you know Legolas. He thinks everything is beautiful, I mean, why else would he like me?" I said.

"Shut your face!" Nicky said.

"Everything but an Orc." Legolas said.

"Alright." Said Nicky, "Look buddy, I know I'm ugly but an Orc? I didn't think I was that bad."

Legolas looked alarmed, "I did not say that you looked like an Orc!"

"But everything is beautiful to you? 'Cept for an Orc, well I wouldn't be seen as beautiful in anyone's eyes, so therefore you said I looked like an Orc… well except for my parents, they think I'm beautiful, but they are stupid anyway." Nicky said.

Legolas looked like he was struggling to keep up with our… unique, way of thinking, "Lady Nicky, you are beautiful no matter what certain Dwarves may say." He cast an eye over Gimli.

"Look, if everybody had agreed with her, we wouldn't be having this long, drawn out argument." Gimli said, exasperated.

"Well, I'm not giving up without a fight." I said stubbornly.

"Believe what you will people, but I know I'm right." Nicky said boldly.

"Na ah." I said

"Ah huh." She replied.

"Na."

"Yah."

"Na."

"That's enough." Gandalf said wearily.

Nicky turned a raptor gaze upon Gimli; "You were _lying_ to me? What an asshole!"

"People!" Gandalf called.

"Na." I said.

"Yah." Nicky hissed.

Gandalf sighed, "Curse these New Zealander's and their stiff necks!"

Nikki cackled evilly, "That's what you get when you agree with Carmen," then she turned back to me, "Yah huh."

"Na ah." I whispered.

Aragorn had been sitting on his horse watching the proceedings with an amused smile, "So why are you both so set on believing you are ugly?"

"Because I've looked in a mirror." Nicky muttered.

"Now I am afraid that we must cut this argument short, for there are long miles ahead of us and we need to be swifter. Time is of the essence." Gandalf said.

"So, you mean that we're not allowed to talk?" I asked in alarm.

"Well, you can try, but I doubt you will be able to ride and talk at the same time." Gandalf told me.

"Are you kidding me? We're women, we can multi task!" I said.

"Ha!" Said Nicky, "Women can do anything … unlike men, who would want to be a man, if I were one, id get a sex change, must be fun to be a trans."

"You do realise that you are surrounded by men?" Gimli said with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, and what could you do to me? I'm invincible, muhahahahahaha!"

"The beauty of time travel my friend." I said to Gimli.

"OK, now for it. We must ride now for Edoras!" Gandalf roared. And he spurred his horse, Shadowfax, on. Shadowfax rode away really fast. How the hell are we supposed to keep up with that horse? I thought.

"Hya!" Aragorn cried to his horse, which leapt forwards like he had been hit by lightning. Legolas leant forwards and whispered in his horse's ear, the horse rushed forwards, Gimli grunted and held on for dear life.

"So," Nicky said, "I suppose we should be going, we probably won't be able to catch up with them any time soon."

And so we urged our horses into action, and they in turn leapt forwards.

We traveled for many endless miles, our arses getting progressively sorer and sorer. We stopped only once for a brief halt. I here emphasis on the word 'brief'.

"Can't we stay for a little while longer? My legs are so sore its not even funny." I groaned.

"Actually, it is rather funny." Nicky replied sneakily.

"Na ah."

"Yah huh."

"Na ah."

"OK, time to go." Gandalf hastily said.

So once again, we were traveling in the deep dark of night, almost falling off our horses 'cause we were so tired. Finally, the dawn came, and we were able to shed some of our weariness. Gandalf stopped us on top of a hill. I gasped. We were standing on the edge of a valley; the far end was enclosed with tall blue mountains, their peaks pointy and sheer. In the middle of the valley rose a great mound of rock and earth. It was too big to be called a hill, yet it was too small to be described as a mountain. We soon found out that this…Houtain (get it? Hill, Mountain…) was called Edoras. It was the main city of Rohan, with the Golden Hall perched on the peak.

"Behold Edoras!" Gandalf cried, "Legolas, tell me what you see!"

"There is a white stream that comes down from the snows," He replied, "There is also a house with a golden roof, the light of it shines brightly."

"Did you say stream?" I asked in interest.

"Yes."

"OK," Nicky said, "I'm gone! I'll meet you guys in that shiny roof place, I presume that's where you are going?"

"Surely you are going to come with us?" Aragorn asked us.

"Nah brudda, I'm getting smelly." She said, turning her horse's head towards the stream.

"I agree with Nicky, for once. We really need to wash. And I stress really. Besides, you don't want us to present ourselves to the King Theoden all muddy and…gross smelling. Trust us, you want us to bathe." I said, and followed Nicky's progress down the hill.

"Don't you worry Gandalf, we'll be just fine, at home we shower every day and here I really can't remember the last time we washed… eewww." Nicky said, urging her horse into a trot.

We headed away from the men towards the stream, full of anticipation to be well and truly clean.

The water was wonderful. Cool, but not icy, and before we bathed, we drank a little.

"Aah, that's better." I said happily.

The sun began to climb up the sky, and we took our clothes off and washed ourselves in the stream. We also washed our clothes and set them on rocks heated by the sun that were on the stream bank.

After a while of basking in the cool rush of the stream, Nicky moved towards the center where it got a bit deeper and dived under, scrubbing her head vigorously.

"I wonder what's happening up at the Golden Hall." I said to Nicky as she emerged.

"You've seen the movie, and read the book, they're just freeing whatsisname from Saruman."

"Hmm. Yeah, but, I hope everything is going to plan." I said, and sure enough, one second later, Wormtongue came bursting out of the outer gates, screaming his head off. "What the…" Nicky exclaimed.

"It's Wormtongue!" I cried.

"So everything _is_ going to plan then." Nicky said.

"Looks like it." I said, as I watched Wormtongues' progress across the plain.

Nicky suddenly looked horror-stricken; "Holy shit. Carmen, do you realise he's running towards us?"

"Yeah, so?" I asked.

"And do you realise that we're _not wearing any clothes!_" She cried hurriedly.

"Oh my God, shit. Nicky, get our clothes!" I yelled.

"But they're wet! We should just hide so we can let the clothes and ourselves dry off."

"Hide where?!" I said.

She looked around, and spotted a small copse of bush. "There!" With that she leapt out of the water and grabbed her clothes, sprinting towards the bushes. I quickly followed suit, and soon we were hiding in the shadows, clutching our damp clothes to our dripping bodies.

As he came running across the plain towards the stream, and us, Nicky whispered, "Lets go beat the shit out of him! We could save many lives with the battle of Helms Deep."

"No! We can't alter the story that much! Do you have any idea how much would change if we beat up Wormtongue?" I said seriously.

Nicky sighed resignedly, "Oh yeah, that."

"Yeah, that." I said sarcastically.

After Wormtongue was long past, we emerged from the bush and lay our clothes on the rock again.

It didn't take long for our clothes to dry and we were soon riding up towards the gate. A tall guard was standing, well, guard, at the opening of the gate.

"Uh, hello there. Did Gandalf mention that two young ladies would be coming to Edoras?" I asked nervously.

"Yes he did, Are you the two Ladies?" He asked.

"Well, duh." Nicky said, trying not to laugh.

"Nicky!" I said, also trying not to laugh. Obviously this guard was all brawn and no brains.

"Please enter." He said, stepping aside.

"Thanks man." I said, giggling at his stupidity.

We rode forwards, up to the Golden Hall. Standing at the door was Legolas; his face was overcome with relief as we rode towards him.

"Your safe! What took you so long? You look much better."

"Well, we couldn't just hurry our washing, we _did_ want to be clean you know." I said, smiling.

"Come, we must stable your horses." He said, turning towards a building that I figured were the stables.

Once the horses were settled, we made our way inside, and found our traveling companions were situated beside the King of Rohan. Gandalf was talking to him in earnest but stopped when we entered.

"Ah, King Theoden. These are the two ladies I have told you about." He said.

"Indeed? Come in." He called to us, as we were standing awkwardly at the door. As we were walking towards the King, I whispered to Nicky out of the corner of my mouth: "Oi, Nicky. Do we curtsey or bow?"

"Ummm, I have no idea actually, maybe we should establish our equality here and now, and let this King know that we are our own people." She replied.

"Huh?"

"Just bow."

Gandalf gestured at us urgently and mouthed, "Curtsy!"

Nicky raised her eyebrows at him and bowed defiantly. I grinned and followed suit. Gandalf closed his eyes and smacked his forehead. Aragorn chuckled and Gimli shook his head. Legolas just grinned.

The King looked at us with interest, and said, "So Ladies. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Theoden, King of Rohan." He watched us expectantly.

Nicky raised her eyebrows and said mildly, "Is that supposed to shock us? 'Cause I'm awfully sorry, but it doesn't."

The hall around us went silent with shock, who would speak thus to a King?

I shook my head, "Oi you retard!" I said, "Now he won't like us!"

Nicky rolled her eyes, "Sure he will, we'll just have to work harder."

I groaned inwardly. "He can have us kicked out you know."

"Don't worry, let's just see him try, I'll hold on to his leg."

I turned to Theoden; "I'm so sorry My Lord, _we_ are awfully sorry, thank you so much for letting us stand before you."

"Hey!" Cried Nicky, "Don't pull me into this, I'm not apologizing for anything."

I punched her in the arm, "Yes," I said, "You are."

"Hey! That hurt. You better watch it, or your tan will turn black and blue."

"Just apologize!"

"Alright, alright." She turned to Theoden, "Sorry Kingy, didn't intend any offense."

"Quite alright." He replied.

Aragorn shook his head in wonder, "This is the most respectful I have ever seen them."

Nicky scowled at him, "You keep that up and you'll never see it again. In fact, for that, You'll not see it again anyway."

Gandalf shook his head too, "A brief shining moment, and then the truth is revealed."

Nicky walked over to him and clapped him on the back. "Sorry buddy, but I am who I am."

"That's what worries me." He muttered under his breath.

Nicky scowled at him, "I'll _pretend_ I never heard that."

"So…what are we up to?" I asked, vainly trying to start a normal conversation between them.

"Well, we were just discussing you two," The King told us, "Tell me, where do you come from?"

"New Zealand. Aux. Stillwater, represent. But I doubt you've ever heard of it." I said.

"Indeed. Well, there is no denying that you are strange folk. Coming from over the Seas. How did you come to be here?"

"Hey bud, who you callin strange? We came on magical flying teapots, so if we got thirsty, we could take a drink, its quite a long trip you know." Nicky said scathingly.

"What's a teapot?" A tall woman asked from beside the King.

"Aah, you two would not have met my niece yet. This is the Lady Eowyn." King Theoden said.

"Forgive us if we don't curtsey or anything, but that's really weird for us so, let us introduce you to our way of greeting one another, in our country." I said, and turned to Nikki; "Shall we demonstrate?"

She nodded, "We shall."

We performed the secret handshake, to the amusement of some. Needless to say, some got a rather nasty glance from us.

Nikki glared at them, "And let me introduce you to how we interact with those who… displease us. You look like a baboons arse!" She roared.

"OK, folks, let me assure you that Nicky's not usually like this. It's probably just hormones or something." I said, casting an eye at Nicky.

"But, when you people diss me, then I am like this, so you guys better watch yourselves."

"Empty threats I'm sure." I said hastily.

"What's a baboon?" Somebody asked.

"It's an ugly monkey with a bald arse, a red, bald arse." Nicky replied.

"Lack of sleep." I insisted.

"Yes. You two definitely seem to be weary. Come, feast with us. Afterwards Eowyn may show you to a bed where you may rest." Theoden told us imperially.

Nicky looked at him questionably, "What else would we be doing, but to rest? Are you implying something My Lord?"

"Thankyou My Lord, for your hospitality." I said, while stamping on Nicky's foot. Legolas tried to catch my eye, but I ignored him.

Nicky however looked at him openly and grinned. He blushed. "Why, My Lord Legolas, such an innocent mind." She said cheekily.

I laughed internally. Only Nicky, only Nicky…

A/N: Hay guys, me and Nikki LOOOVE getting your reviews so keep them coming! She comes over to my house and we sit infront of my computer and giggle at what u guys write...Aaaahhh...good times... A nikki?


	7. Lets go kill some Orc

Sup fellaroonies hows my fav bunch of mates?? Choice i hope. Grab some kai and your whanau and read on!

The Lady Eowyn showed us to our sleeping quarters, away from Legolas's.

"Yo, dat jacket is tight son! Yaw meen!" Nicky proclaimed.

Eowyn turned round; "One day you must teach me the language of your land."

"Language? Who wants to learn Maori?"

"I think she's referring to slang Nikki."

"What did you just say?" Eowyn asked.

"I said, 'Yo, that jacket is tight son, you know what I mean?'" Nicky said.

"Ummm, what does that mean?"

"It means I like your clothes."

"My Lady, you don't happen to have any spare garments for us to use do you?" I asked, thinking of all the fully rich clothes she probably had in her cupboard.

"I'm sure I would have some that would fit you perfectly. I used them when I was your age." She said. "Come."

So we followed her to her rooms, where she had chest upon chest of clothes for us to chose from. "You might like to choose something nice as evening attire, and then a few ordinary dresses for everyday wear."

"Shopping!" I squealed.

"Minus the price tag." Nicky said delightedly. We rushed forwards and almost leapt into the chests. We were like little kids at Christmas time. In the end we had each picked out several everyday dresses, much like the one that Eowyn was wearing at the present time. But we had also chosen a couple of nice ones. I had picked a periwinkle blue gown, for dinner that evening, and also a gold one with silver trimming for more significant occasions. Nikki had chosen a red one for tonight and silver one also.

Considering we had just bathed, we each changed into the gowns on the spot.

I walked over to the full-length mirror and gasped. I looked wonderful. I turned to Nikki, "Like it?"

"Yep." She walked over to the mirror too. "Looks like I'm getting decked out for the school ball."

We walked to the hall with Eowyn our gowns swirling round our feet, thank God no one could see them, we were still wearing our sneakers.

I went and stood in front of a dumbstruck Legolas, I twirled round and said, "What do you think?"

"I am very appreciative of the Lady Eowyn." He said breathlessly.

"How bout you appreciate me instead?" I asked, playfully pulling his head towards mine.

He smiled, "If you wish."

"Oh I wish alright."

As our lips met we heard somebody coming towards us, and heard Nikki say, "Shhhh! You're disturbing them!"

I turned to find her chastising a laughing Aragorn.

"OK guys, show's over now, you can go away. Hint, hint." I said over Legolas's shoulder.

Nicky grinned at us wickedly, "I'll show you where she's sleeping." She said to Legolas, then she turned and sauntered away, tugging Aragorn along by his sleeve.

"Stay away for a couple of hours tonight." I whispered to Nicky as she left.

"Oh, I'm sure I can find some… entertainment somewhere." She said, eyeing up a hot young local across the hall.

I laughed and resumed my work, then whispered cheekily to Legolas, "Would it be right for me to show you myself?"

Legolas laughed, "I wouldn't mind it very much."

"Step right this way." I giggled, and needless to say, we disappeared for a while. Until dinner, that is.

Meanwhile Nikki, regardless to her plans about the local, had stuck with Aragorn, who had walked back to where the King was seated. As they walked over the King looked up. His eyes went wide when he saw her. "Quite a change Lady Nikki." He said, standing up to bow over her hand.

"I know I know, I'm gorgeous." She said haughtily.

Aragorn raised his eyebrows; "I seem to remember you trying to assure me that you were ugly."

"Paching, Of course I am."

"Yet you just said that you were gorgeous." He said.

Nikki rolled her eyes, "Jeez Aragorn, you really need to figure out when I'm serious, and when I'm not."

"Were you serious when you said you were ugly and looked like a boy, or were you serious when you said you were gorgeous?" He asked.

"You _can't_ be this stupid! Maybe your just blind, I was serious with the ugly boy bit."

"You could have just said that in the first place." He said easily.

Nikki shook her head, "Men," she said, "are stupid."

"I'm no ordinary man." Aragorn replied.

"No, you're just stupid." She said, a wicked smile blooming.

Aragorn closed his eyes, "What did we get ourselves into when we agreed to take you two along?"

"Don't despair Lord Aragorn, it'd be no fun without us. Specially for Legolas, imagine how bored he would be?" Nicky said, nodding in the general direction of where Legolas and Carmen had disappeared.

Aragorn smiled, "Poor Legolas, look what he has got himself into? I don't think I'd survive being alone with one of you for this long."

Nikki grinned evilly, "You have _no_ idea."

"Lord Aragorn?" The Lady Eowyn had come up to them unnoticed. "I trust this evening finds you well?" She said sitting next to him.

"It does Lady. And you?" He replied.

"Oh, I'm very good." She said.

Back in my bedroom where I was seated on Legolas's lap, snogging like my life depended on it, a bell sounded, Legolas broke away immediately, "Dinner!" He said.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Men and their dinner!" I stood and Legolas stood next to me. We walked hand in hand into the dinner hall.

I spotted Nikki straight away, sitting with Aragorn, Theoden and The Lady Eowyn.

The Lady and Aragorn were talking. Nikki was sitting back in her chair looking thoroughly bored.

She saw us immediately, and grinned wickedly, "Looks like fun, I must try it sometime." She said as we reached her.

"Try what?" Legolas said.

"Try snogging the hell out of some hot elf." She replied.

Legolas started blushing, "You _do_ have an innocent mind." Nikki said, to his further embarrassment. We sat down, and waited for food to be brought to the table. When it was, Nikki straightened looking at the food hungrily.

Theoden noticed her eagerness to eat and laughed, she glared at him. He stood up and said in a loud resounding voice "Eat and be Merry!"

I reached forwards to pick up a chicken drumstick when Nikki snagged it from right underneath my hand, I glared at her and she said innocently, "What?" As she bit a huge chunk from it.

"Good thing my fingers don't look like food eh." I said seriously.

Nikki raised her eyebrows, "Like the fact that they don't _look_ like food would stop me."

"OK, you just stay away from my fingers you hear." I said, and applied myself to putting my napkin on my lap.

"Oh don't worry, I think that Legolas's fingers look _much_ tastier." She said eyeing up Legolas's hands and licking her lips.

"Cannibal…" I muttered, edging my chair away from her, towards Legolas.

Nikki laughed, "Wonder if they have much for desert?" Her plate was chocka full of food.

"It's the same at home," I whispered to Legolas, "She never stops eating."

"Mmmm." Legolas murmured, not really listening, trying to find my hand with his under the table. His fingers were warm and slender and soft. They wrapped around mine and I felt my face growing hot. Legolas was so sweet.

"What do you say about skipping dessert?" He whispered to me.

"Let me think…OK, I'm done thinking. Let's do that," I said earnestly, "But let's go outside and enjoy the starlight."

"That would be wonderful." He sighed.

Indeed, it was a wonderful night. The sky was full of stars and there were no clouds to veil them. The moon was young and pale, casting a glow upon the earth.

I sighed deeply. "Wow, this is a beautiful land."

"It is beautiful. But my heart yearns for my homeland. Mirkwood calls to me. I miss the trees, there are no trees here." Legolas said sadly.

"No, there isn't." I said, noticing for the first time the lack of forestation.

"I hope when this is over, that you may have a chance to visit Mirkwood. I would show you my home and our customs. I would sing you songs in the Great Hall and we would sit in my Fathers company." Legolas said, gazing ahead.

"I hope I do come to visit Mirkwood. It would be fun as." I said.

"Carmen, there is something that I wish to give you," Legolas said, turning towards me. He took something out of his pocket; it was a necklace. A beautiful silver chain with leaf on it. The leaf was bronze and shone fitfully. In the middle of the leaf was a gem, shaped as a star. It seemed to be crystal, but shone as if it were a star itself. "It is a token of my House. And my love for you." Legolas said, reaching around my neck and fastening the necklace. It gleamed brightly.

"Oh, Legolas. It's so beautiful! Do you really love me?" I said, not daring to believe any of this.

"I do love you." He whispered.

"Nobody's ever said that to me." I said back, wondering how people in movies reacted to this kind of scenario.

"Do you love me?" Legolas asked me.

What was I supposed to say? Legolas was soooooo amazing, yet I was only sixteen. Was what I feeling love?

I remembered what somebody had told me once. 'Stare deep into his eyes and if you feel something jolt inside you, then you know'.

I lifted my head and gazed intensely into his eyes. And I felt it; like my heart had seized for a couple of seconds. I grinned, "I do love you." And I started laughing. I don't know why I was laughing. I think I was just amazed at what I just said.

Legolas laughed too, "You're awesome Carmen."

I stared at him in amazement, "Where did you learn to say that?"

"From Nicky." He said promptly.

"Heh, you're awesome too Legolas."

Suddenly, he became silent and wary, as if he were listening for something. "Do you hear that?" He asked.

I listened, nothing. "What?"

"I think you're bedroom is calling to us!" He said earnestly.

"I hear it too!" I said, trying not to cause a ruckus.

"Let us go!" He cried.

"Sshh!" I giggled, grabbing his arm and leading him into the house of Meduseld.

Nicky better not be in tonight…

OK, first of all, nothing serious happened between Legolas and me. I was just glad nonetheless that Nicky had decided to camp with Gimli. The next day started off merry enough, apart from the fact that Gandalf woke us up so early that I dared not think what the clock would of read. Nicky had much to protest to Gandalf then.

"First of all I get no sleep 'cause Gimli was snoring all night, second I've only just got to sleep and then I have to get up!" She said crossly.

"We have much to do today," Gandalf told us all gravely, "I have been up long counseling with the King. Today we are to go to war." A grave silence followed his words.

"War?" I said. This was the last thing I had expected.

"Yes. Saruman's forces are mounting and they will be launching an attack on Rohan. We must face this attack in Helms Deep. We cannot hope to defeat them if we are in Edoras. We ride today." Gandalf said to us all, as we had gathered in the main hall.

Scouts had been sent to all major places within Rohan, urging people to gather what possessions they could, and travel to Helms Deep. The company and myself were the last ones to leave Edoras.

It was a sad moment, looking back at Edoras and the golden land of Rohan. Here, I would never forget. This place was special to me now, with Legolas revealing his love for me here.

"I hope we come back from this." I said to Nicky, as we rode along with the entourage.

"Yeah, we better. I still haven't got me an elf yet." She replied.

"You know, I feel guilty that we left Eowyn behind." I said, turning round once again to look back.

"Someone had to stay and look after the house I suppose. Why is it always us women that get stuck house cleaning?" Nicky said, with disgust.

"I dunno. You could see that she wanted to come with us. She wants to fight in the war. Gain some honour or shit like that." I said dissmisively.

"Oi, she wants to fight with Aragorn. Didn't you see the way she was coming on to him? She fully likes him." Nicky said earnestly. Aragorn gave a slight look behind him.

I smiled; love is in the air…

We rode on tirelessly (even though some of us _were _tired), swift and meaningful. Apparently, need drove us. Our destination was the Fords of Isen, where we were supposed to meet up with the Kings' men that held back Isengard. We stopped at nightfall, and made some kind of a bivouac.

"Can't we light some fires?" I asked, wanting to break the gloom.

"No, it's too dangerous." One of the men said.

"Dangerous? Come on, living in Iraq is dangerous." Nicky said, yawning.

"And come on, how are we supposed to sing _kumbaya_?" I giggled.

"Do NOT crank out the guitar!" Nicky teased. Needless to say, we were sent to bed pretty pronto.

We were woken up at dawn, stiff and tired. We resumed riding, to the dismay of our backsides, and longed for the sight of Helms Deep. It started to get really dark around mid afternoon, as if a great storm was about us. The air was heavy and hot, with a sweet fragrance of rain.

"Not rain. Not now." I grumbled.

However, the storm held on, and the sun sank beneath its canopy. Just then, riders at the head of the colony gave a cry. A horseman was riding towards us.

He was weary and beaten. He came before us, and dismounted. Gandalf and all the 'important people' went forward and spoke to him. The news didn't seem to be good, as we could tell from the looks on their faces. Then, without warning, Gandalf suddenly cried aloud:

"Ride Theoden! Ride to Helms Deep! Go not to the Fords of Isen, and do not tarry in the plain. I must leave you for a while. Shadowfax must bear me now on a swift errand," he turned to Aragorn and the Kings men, "keep well the Lord of the Mark, till I return. Await me at Helms Gate! Farewell!" And he shot away on Shadowfax, and was gone in the blink of an eye.

We sat silent on our horses, me, assured that Gandalf had suddenly lost his marbles.

Nicky turned to me; "A swift errand? What, did he forget to get milk or something?"

I laughed; "Yeah, probably."

So we turned and headed southward, towards Gandalfs' requested destination. Night fell. Finally, we reached the feet of the mountain. We could faintly see a gap in the mountainside, as if a knife had sliced down it.

"So, this is Helms Deep." I said, peering forward.

"No offense to these guys here, but I don't feel really safe." Nicky said, looking round herself. Suddenly, harsh cries and horn blasts were heard behind us, I whipped around. Many tiny pinpricks of light had appeared, sometimes larger ones roared up. The Orcs were burning us in. They were still far away, and it would take them still several hours to get here, but all the same, they were too close for my comfort.

"Fuck. Now why didn't we bring fire?" I asked angrily to Nicky.

"I dunno, but the Orcs have beaten us to it." She said grimly.

"It's not just Orcs there," Aragorn said, turning to us, "there are evil, Wild Men from the mountains."

"Wow. That makes me feel much better. My mind feels far much at ease now that we have more enemies." I said staring evilly behind me.

"Come! We must fly to the Deep! The enemy is upon us!" Theoden cried, and urged his horse with all speed towards the mountains.

We finally reached Helms Deep. I must say I breathed a sigh of relief, but then started coughing loudly. We had been forced to put our old clothes back on. Need I say anything about the smell?

"Why the hell did we agree to put our old clothes back on?" Nicky asked, as we stood in one the many halls in Helms Deep with Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas while people rushed about, preparing for the war.

"Because it would have been extremely difficult to fight in one of your dresses." Gimli said, eyeing us.

"Psssht, we could have turned it into a mini!" I said indignantly.

"Hell yes! A war mini!" Nicky said, giving me high-five.

Legolas cleared his throat loudly; "Carmen, could I speak to you?"

"Sure. We'll be right back." I said to the others.

"Last minute pash eh…" Nicky muttered as I passed. I grinned.

I led Legolas to the next chamber. He closed the door after himself and lent against it. He looked as if something major was bothering him.

"What up?" I asked, sitting down at a table.

He looked sad, almost; "Are you sure you want to go to war? It's too dangerous. The chances of you being hurt are far greater than they should be. You are not part of this world, you should not have to put yourself at risk for us." He came and sat down next to me.

I looked at him; "Of course I have to be in this war! What else am I supposed to do? You guys accepted Nicky and I into the Fellowship. I have as much right to fight as you."

"Of course, I am not doubting your heart. You are so brave, but I could not stand it if you were hurt." He said, taking my hand in his strong ones.

"I will not stay behind like some common housewife Legolas." I said, perhaps a tad too dramatically.

Legolas bowed his head. My heart ached for him. He was such a gentleman, making sure I'm safe and protected. Well, I'm part of this war now, and I am woman, hear me roar.

"Come on Legolas, you know me too well. My mind's made up now. Oh, and another thing, you make sure you take care of yourself out there as well. We're bound to get split up at one point or another, so make sure you look after yourself." I told him, giving him a warning finger.

"No," he crowed, taking my hand again, "I will not be separated from you in life, and I will not be separated from you in battle."

"Awww, so cute. OK, I suppose it would be kind of cool to fight side by side in battle with you." I said, giving him a cheeky wink.

Legolas smiled; "I will not leave your side."

Inside, my heart was moving funny. I was definitely liking this side of Legolas.

"Whatever happens, I love you Legolas." I whispered, gripping his hand tightly.

Legolas stiffened, and held onto me as if we were super glued; "I love you with everything in me." He whispered back.

I broke our connection.

"OK, lets go kill some Orc then."

A/N: OHHH YEAAHH! Helms Deep here we come! Orcs?? Pah! Orc shmorck! Nicola wanted to write something here but she has to tell me what it is first so you'll probably here from her next chappie. Shes got LOTS to say guys (just a lil warning) lol na nicks you know i love ya!


	8. ELVES!

Hay guys…heres a word from the Nixta aka Nicola:

MESSAGE FROM NIKKILA

I said it in the reviews and I shall say it again, this

story was written YEARS ago, and we are doing a direct copy

and paste. We aren't even proof reading, so if anyone can

point out more than five serious spelling or grammatical

errors, I will concede the point that we were shit at

spelling and grammar, all those years ago, but until then,

shove it up your ass till you can prove it! And another

thing, if you have any suggestions as how the story should

carry on, I promise I'll let you know when we are writing

new bits, not just a direct copy and paste, so then we could

maybe use all those wonderful suggestions, but everything

you have read so far has been what was saved off the

original computer on a USB drive after it went feral on us!

And seriously now, all those people who have a life outside

of FanFiction and/or the internet please let me know,

because right now I am seriously in doubt!

And seriously, keep all these reviews coming, flames and

otherwise!

Luvya lots... sometimes...

Nikkila

We stood on the Deeping Wall, that surrounded Helms Deep. Legolas and Gimli were making small talk.

"Do you think we're gonna win this thing? I mean, is this story line going by the book or the movie? Because if we're going by the book, then some guy called Erkenbrand should come at the end and save us. Or, if we're going by the movie, Elves should be turning up soon." I said.

Nicky opened her mouth to speak, but had no chance. Just then a loud call had gone out. The sound was light and clear, and came from some light metal horn. It was beautiful to hear.

Legolas listened intently; "That is no Orc call." He said.

Nikky met my eyes, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She said.

"What?"

She grinned mischievously, "ELVES!" She said gleefully.

"I _told_ you that you would get an elf." I said.

"There will be lots to choose from too!"

"You're telling me. But don't they all look the same? I mean, pretty much. How are you supposed to tell them apart?"

We were staring over the wall, trying to catch a glimpse of the Elves. Well, one definitely stood out. He was the leader of the group and was dressed differently. There was one she couldn't ignore…

"Ooooooh he looks important."

"He's their leader person. Commander or whatever you want to call him." I said.

"Ooooooh he is important!"

"Come on! Let's go greet." I called, running off.

Nikky shot after me and we jogged towards the gate where the Elves were coming in. The commander had his back to us, so we started to survey the others.

"Ooooooh that ones yum." Nikky said.

"I'd have his _lembas _any day!" I said, hardly able to breathe cause I was laughing so hard.

"If I were a horse I'd let him ride me _any _day!"

"If I were a _car _I'd let him drive me!" I bent over, clutching my sides.

"He can come _study_ with me anytime! Oh My God! Look at _him_!"

"He's like the Elvish version of Cupid!"

"They should make an action figure of him! For Barbie you know? She needs some action too. But then, if he _were_ one, I'd get coated in plastic just to pass as a Barbie."

Nikky said, grinning.

I looked at them dreamily, then stopped. Legolas would _not _be happy.

"Sorry," I said to the nearest Elf, "I'm already taken." He looked at me strangely.

Nikky looked round at the remaining elves, "But I'm free!" She said laughing.

Just then Legolas snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms round my waist, "What are you looking at?" He said. Nikkys' hands shot to her face, as she tried to muffle her laughter.

"Nothing babe, just… scoping out potential… allies for Nikky…" I said.

"Is the…'scoping', going well?"

"Ohhhhhhh yeah!" Nikky said gazing at the company of elves blissfully.

"Come, you must meet Haldir." Legolas said, tugging on my hand.

"Whose Haldir?" Nikky asked me.

"The Head-honcho!" I said excitedly.

"Uhhh, what did you eat for breakfast? Nobody else touched it did they?" Nikky replied.

"The leader guy. You know, the one we were perving, I mean, looking at." I said hastily, glancing at Legolas.

"Ooooooh YUMMY!"

We walked up to the commander, the one with his back turned, he was talking to Aragorn.

"Haldir," Legolas called, "Here are the two young ladies you've probably been told of."

The Elf turned round, I felt Nikky beside me freeze, then recover. I looked round at her; she was fanning her face with her hand, "Is it hot in here, or is that just me?"

"Love is in the air…" I giggled.

"Now _he _could drive me anytime!" She said, gazing at him.

"Like a horse…" I turned round, hiding my face, not wanting to embarrass myself.

Nikky turned to me, and said behind her hand, "I think I'd prefer it if _I_ were riding…"

"Ewwwww…OK, focus." I turned round and faced everyone. They were staring at us as we doubled over with laughter. "Yes?" I asked, trying to compose myself.

Legolas shook his head, then said, "This is Haldir."

He bowed. "Good evening ladies, I've heard much about you from Aragorn here." He said.

"Hi, I'm Carmen. Heard about you too…"

"I'm Nikky, uhhh _very_ nice to meet you." Nikky said, blatantly looking him up and down.

The corners of his mouth twitched, he folded his arms and returned the same treatment. Nikky raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Come, we must organize the ranks." Aragorn said to Haldir. They walked with the King of Rohan up the steps.

It was now completely dark. The air was warm and stuffy. Hints of thunder were heard from behind the mountains. We were all standing on the battle walls of Helms Deep, waiting for the enemy to arrive. They were in the distance, getting closer and closer, filling the whole dale with fire and smoke. They were making the most amazing noise; screeching and jeering and making me extremely nervous. I looked over to Legolas who was standing beside me. He was looking over at the dark sea of Orcs, mentally gearing himself up. I looked to my left, at Nikky. She was craning her neck, searching for Haldir.

"Damn it! How am I suppose to fight near him if I cant find him?" She said, aggravated.

"I dunno, maybe he's with his friends." I said.

"He _can't_ have friends, he's a commander!" She said.

"We're about to wage war with a heap of evil, smelly Orcs, and all you can think about is a guy?" I said, exasperated.

"Well, wouldn't you? In fact, aren't you?" She said glancing at Legolas then back at me.

"Well, of course I'm thinking of him. But I'm also thinking of all those ugly smelly Orcs down there." I said, pointing.

"Pcchhhtt, puh-lease, forget them, there are hot guys around." She replied, grinning wickedly.

"Yeah, well. I've already got myself a hot guy haven't I?"

"Pcchhhtt, you can still look."

"Why don't you just go and find him? That way you can stop bothering me!" I said.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Puh-lease, I don't want to seem _too_ desperate."  
"You are too desperate! Nah jokes. Just go find him, seriously." I said, looking at her seriously.

"Nah I'm good, I think I'll stay right here, with you, to annoy you forever more."

"Woohoo! Aren't I lucky? Hhhmmm…Won't these guys hurry up? It's starting to rain for God's sake."

Nikky frowned and put a hand to her stomach. "And I'm getting hungry."

"Like that's anything new." I muttered.

"_More_ hungry. I'm seriously starving here."

"Anyway, look who's coming our way…" I nodded over her shoulder. Haldir was walking towards us, he was obviously aiming to strike a convo with Legolas, but I didn't think Nikki would pass up this opportunity.

"How do I look?" She asked me.

"Ummm, traveled?" I suggested.

"Shit." She muttered, "Oh well, he'll have to use his imagination."

"Like most people we've met so far." I pointed out.

"Different circumstances, most people we have met haven't been a gorgeous elf."

"Here he comes!" I squealed, when, just her luck, Aragorn called all the men to the Deeping Wall.

"Oh well, maybe you can talk to him after the war?" I suggested, patting her arm.

"I might be disfigured after the war. Like, more than I already am."

"How many times must we go over this? You are not disfigured!" I said sternly.

Suddenly, there was an enormous roar from the now swarming crowd of Orcs at the foot of the wall.

"He he. That guy sounds like he's constipated!" I laughed.

"He probably is oi." Nikki said seriously.

"Everybody, show these evil creatures no mercy, for they will show you none." Aragorn said to us.

"Yes boss." I giggled. I don't know why, but war made me giggly.

We all stood there, everyone was silent, even the Orcs. We were on the verge of war, and we were waiting for the catalyst. Who would begin the war?

We stood, completely still and silent, waiting for a sign…

And it came, in the form of an old man, who had accidentally let loose one of his arrows.

"Hold fire!" Aragorn yelled, but it was too late. The arrow had pierced one of the Orcs below in the neck. He fell with a really loud crash of his armour.

"Well, one down." Nicky said.

"Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine to go." I replied.

"Wanna make a bet?" Nicky asked me.

"A bet on what?" I asked.

"About who's gonna kill the most Orcs of course!" She said excitedly.

"Oh, OK. Well, I bet that I'll kill more Orcs than you." I said sneakily.

"Game on bruddah! Bring it!" Nicky said gleefully, pulling out her sword.

The Orcs gave another call, then all of a sudden, launched the attack on Helms Deep.

"Three, four, five, six-." I grunted, as I swung my sword around and around, stabbing Orcs that dared entered my three-foot radius. I lost sight of Nicky. She was somewhere amongst the swarm of Orcs that had swept onto the wall from ladders. I lost sight of Legolas too. I was fighting by myself, alone in this sea of ugly, non-deodorant-wearing, mean-ass Orcs. Hadn't Legolas told me that he would fight by my side, and not let me out of his sight?

Well, at this rate, it seemed the only way I was going to see Legolas again was to kill every Orc here, and then look around. Here, at this moment, there was no room for error. I couldn't afford a lapse in concentration and go looking for Legolas because I could get chopped into a billion little pieces. I wouldn't be much use to Legolas then would I?

Just then, I thought I heard Legolas call my name behind me. It was too soft to tell where it was coming from. I stared wildly around, searching frantically through the crowd of Orcs. Is he there…? No, not him. Is that him…? Nope. Where in Helms Deep could he be?

And then I felt it.

Searing pain had just erupted from the thigh on my left leg. I didn't want to look down, but I knew I had to address the seriousness of the situation I could have on my hands here.

What I saw nearly made me pass out. There was an Orc blade thrust into my leg. The Orc that stabbed me with said knife was still holding the handle, and he was grinning.

I recognized him; I had stabbed him earlier. I believe he was Orc number five. His face swam before my eyes. Damn it, I was losing way too much blood here.

I tried to pull my leg away with a lunge, but fell to the floor. I tried to get up again.

But I didn't have the energy.

Oh shit this is bad…I must get up, I gotta get up…

My hearing suddenly started to leave, noises grew dim around me. The edges of my eyesight started to go black.

The Orc yanked the knife out of the deep gouge in my leg. It was stained with my own blood. He raised it above his head, and made a slashing motion. I expected to feel excruciating pain, but instead, I felt someone hold me against their warm body.

I opened my eyes and looked up into the rain. There was Legolas, looking as gorgeous as on the day I met him.

"You found me." I said.

"Told you I would." He said, smoothing the hair on my head.

"I fucked up big time. I was supposed to visit your home." I said.

"You still can! Come, I am going to get you inside Helms Deep. There are people there that will take care of you." He began to lift me in his arms.

"How the bloody hell do you think you're going to do that? You'll get yourself killed you maniac." I murmured.

"Bloody idiot is what I do Carmen." He said, going as fast as he could with me in his arms along the wall towards the Deep.

I gave a feeble laugh, "you crack me up Legolas," I said.

"Sshh, don't waste energy speaking." Legolas told me.

I closed my eyes, it was too much energy to work those as well. When I opened them, Legolas and some other people, Elves, by the look of them, were bending over me and Legolas was talking to them rapidly in Elvish. When he was finished, he turned to me.

"These people will heal you. I must go back and fight." He said, looking torn.

I nodded, too tired to do anything else.

"Hay Legolas."

"Yes?"

"Win eh?"

"Pcchhhtt, that was so not cool." Nikky muttered under her breath as she yanked her sword from an Orcs gut. He had just tried to spit her. She was working her way through the ranks, trying to find Haldir; he _had_ to be here somewhere.

"Oh shit." She grunted as she spun to face the onslaught of another Orc. "I lost count."

Just then she spotted Haldir, and narrowed her eyes, which gleamed with a predatory sparkle. Only problem was the bunch of Orcs that lay and fought between them. Nikky was torn out of her thoughts as she saw a filthy great blade swinging towards her face. "Fudge!" She yelled as she ducked, the Orc snarled at her as his blade swung above her head, before he could bring his sword down on her unprotected head, she shoved her own blade upwards. Her arm reverberated and she nearly released the hilt from shock, as the blade hit his spine. She grunted with effort as she pulled the sword out of him. He looked round in seeming surprise, as he slowly toppled to the ground his sword falling with him.

Thus she made her way towards Haldir. Just as she slashed an Orcs arm, she saw Haldir, calling his men in. Aragorn had just given the order, and now they were all retreating. Just then however, Haldir was struck by a scimitar in his stomach, his face froze in shock. Nikky was determined to save him as an Orc came from behind him, blade held high above his head. Nikky sprang forwards, she felt a line of fire across her collarbone. The Orc she had been battling had taken advantage of her distraction, and had struck her as she shot forwards. Nikky spun around and without looking struck him as hard as she could. When she did glance round, he was on the ground, blood pouring out in spurts. Well, he wasn't on the ground, his two pieces were.

Nikky leapt over the pile of dead Orcs surrounding Haldir and shoved her blade through the offending Orc who was about to spit Haldir. He looked down in surprise, his eyes wide, then looked over his shoulder, to see the bloody blade protruding from his back. His eyes fluttered closed and he fell backwards. Nikky held onto the hilt of her sword determinedly, which made explosions of pain shoot up her arm to her shoulder. The Orc slid slowly off her sword. Haldir looked at her in shock.

"Haldir!" She heard Aragorn roar. Haldir clutched at his stomach, and her hand.

"Come on!"

Black spots were forming at the corners of her eyes, as she stumbled forwards towards the Keep. Her efforts to hold on to the sword were futile, as it fell from her hand to the ground, along with her.

"My Lady! Come, we must make it to the Keep." Haldir said, gasping for breath.

With no reaction, he looked around; Nikky's eyes were closed in unconsciousness, no wonder she hadn't been moving as he tugged on her hand.

Haldir looked round in desperation, none of his warriors were to be seen, unless they were lying dead on the ground nearby. Aragorn was standing on the wall, still calling his men in. "Aragorn!" Haldir roared.

"Haldir!" Aragorn rushed towards Haldir, striking down all the Orcs that were swarming towards the easy prey. Haldir hauled the unconscious Nikky up and struggled towards Aragorn with her in his arms. Aragorn was wielding his bloody blade extremely effectively, and there were mounds of corpses around him, and more falling. Haldir stumbled forwards; Aragorn backed after him, defending them, as they rushed into the safety of the keep.


	9. Anesthetic

HAY GUYS sorry i havent updated for ages! Uv all been missing ur lil flame opportunities i bet. Here ya go then!!

When I woke up, the sunlight was falling on my bed…Oh my God…I am actually in a bed. The last time I was in a bed was in Rohan, and that felt like ages ago. I looked over to my right, and Nicky was lying there, with Haldir by her bedside.

"Hi there you, and who's this?" I ask in mock surprise.

"You're so much luckier than me! I woke up early 'cos I was hungry. But they wouldn't let me out of bed! Scandalous! Breakfast in bed though, I've been having a great time."

"OK, just one question. What happened to you?" I asked, staring at her bandaged shoulder.

"Weeell, this little bastard Orc dude tried to spit me, I got my revenge though, both of him must regret it."

"Sounds fun. I got a fair few Orcs myself. The last I counted, I think I had like, one hundred and eight or something." I said casually.

"Well, I lost count, what a shame, but from what I hear, you went down before me, so I must have got twice as much as you did. So, how much do you owe me?"

"Gutted. Well, I suppose I owed you an elf, but you seem one step ahead of me." I said, looking at Haldir, who was trying to follow our conversation.

"Mmmm, It seems I already have one of those, he's a designer original." She said grinning.

"Well, you certainly didn't waste any time did you. Imagine what you're going to tell your children, 'we met in a war…'" I said, laughing.

At this point it seemed that Haldir got the gist of what we were saying, he blushed scarlet. "That'd be an interesting story to tell."

"And speaking of hot beings, where's my elf?" I asked Nicky.

"Right here, my Lady." Legolas said, coming out from a corner of the room.

"Legolas! I gather we won?" I said, indicating for him to come over.

"We did indeed. How are you feeling?" He asked in concern.

"Probably much the same as me, " Nikky said, "wishing that you had a local anesthetic."

I laughed, "Yup, that's pretty much how I'm feeling at the mo."

Legolas bent down and gave me a hug.

"You lucky bitch, no-one can hug me with this." Nikky said gesturing towards her shoulder.

"Yeah well, I bet you're wishing for more than a hug eh." I said, giving Haldir an encouraging nod.

Nikky laughed, "Wishing, hoping, dreaming… giving…"

"And how's my Legolas? Did you get hurt?" I asked, trying to fill in the missing pieces of last night.

"I'm fine. I didn't get hurt, one of my companions did, but he was saved by Nicky here." He told me, gesturing towards Haldir.

I raised my eyebrows at Nicky, "Good girl! You saved him. You're in!"

"One way to get a guy interested right?" She replied, grinning.

"I suppose." I turned to Haldir, "You seem like the strong silent type, how did you get into trouble?"

"I'm not sure. An Orc came and attacked me and managed to get the point of his sword in my stomach. Another Orc came from behind me, and the Lady Nikky attacked him, and saved my life, for which I am eternally grateful." He said, smiling warmly down at Nikky.

"No probs, so, you guys have been standing here for hours, if you're gonna stay, then why don't you get a chair or something? And ahhh, while your at it, I betcha Mitzi here is hungry, and its been a while since I last ate too, double date?"

Haldir looked at her in confusion, Legolas just shook his head, "We'll go get you some food."

While the men were gone, it was time for a little female bonding time; we swapped stories of what happened to us during the battle. By the time Nikky had finished her story of her valiant saving of Haldir, the guys had come back with food, and chairs.

"Right fellas, take a seat. What kai you got there?" I asked, sniffing the food basket.

"Kai?" Legolas asked.

"Means food in my native language." I said, grinning at Nikky.

"Au, too right cuz."

"Nikky you wigga." I laughed.

"Pcchhhtt, don't diss." She said.

"So, what's for eating?" I asked.

"We have bread and honey, we could toast the bread for you, fresh butter, fine fruits, berry preserve, and a little cured meat."

"Yeah, I'll take number ten, could I have fries with that?" Nikky asked grinning.

"I'm sorry my Lady, I'm not sure we have that," Haldir said, "could we get you anything else?" The funny thing was, he looked really concerned.

I laughed. God this guy was funny.

"Nah, I'm good." She replied, laughing.

"Well, stop talking, and lets eat!" I said, grabbing the basket. Nikky and I scoffed our faces, while the guys just hung round, looking all polite and gracious. I mean, please, don't these guys ever eat?

"Are you guys going to eat anything, or are you going to sit there and stare at it?" I asked them, my mouth full of bread.

"Table manners Carmen." Nikky said.

"I'm not at a table!" I said rudely.

"Nevertheless, we have company to impress."

"Meh, apparently I've already impressed mine." I said, taking another.

"But you reckon he'll still wanna snog you when he's seen you're mouth full of mashed up bread?"

"Hay, I don't wanna snog at the mo. My leg hurts like a thousand bee's have stung me, and there is no such thing as anesthetic, so my mind is kind of occupied." I said back.

"Well, you may not want to snog at the moment, but you will soon, and his mind will be full of the sight of your half desiccated bread."

"Cough, Miss Congeniality, cough." I pretend-spluttered.

"Pcchhhtt, I wrote that script, why should I not quote it?"

"Because Universal could possibly get pissed at you. Then again, we're millions of miles away from earth. Meh, say whatever you want. You know, I can't even remember what we were arguing about!" I said, grabbing more food.

"Table manners, and our ahhh, guests opinion of yours."

"OK, I'll chew with my bloody mouth closed! Happy? Come here Legolas. Watch this Nikky." Legolas came over to me, obviously thinking that I wanted to talk to him. As he came closer, I grabbed his head, pulled him in and kissed him. He looked kinda stunned after, but I could tell he was…Pleasantly surprised.

"Hay Nikky, I don't think our…Guests, mind it much." I said cheekily.

"Who cares what they think, you've scarred me for life."

"Yeah, you'll get over it."

"Do you not understand the whole 'for life' thing?" She replied shaking her head.

"Yeah, but you have a short attention span. Give it three days and you would have forgotten it already." I said, unconcernedly.

"Attention span and memory are two different things, I'm like an elephant in many ways, but I never forget."

"In which way like an elephant?" I asked sneakily.

"Well, as I said, I never forget, but also, people want me for my… tusks."

"I think Haldir likes your… Tusks!" I laughed.

"Not many people have been able to resist my… Tusks."

"Bill likes your tusks! I mean, he's always after them isn't he." I asked.

"I think most blokes back there are after women's… tusks."

"The more ivory, the better!" I giggled.

"No wonder they get boners over my piano."

"I don't think it's that kind of ivory Nikky."

"Well, you never know right?"

"Yeahhh…Anyway, enough talk."

"Sooo ah, Haldir, you like my tusks?"

"Like an Oliphaunt eh!" I giggled at Haldir.

"The Lady Nikky is not an Oliphaunt!" He said, outraged at such impoliteness.

"Oh, you'd be surprised."

He looked at us strangely.

I yawned. I was not one to sit in a bed all day, and all this lazing around was making me bored.

"Hay uhhh, I have a problem, we worked so hard to get a tan, and now you're gonna make us stay inside until we're white. Sooo not cool."

"Yeah, we need to get our vitamin D!" I said earnestly.

Nikky threw her blankets off and swung her legs off the bed. "I can already feel the fat congealing from my lack of movement." She was a bit wobbly, but with Haldir by her side, she made it upright without _too_ much trouble.

"Oh Legolas? Could you be a darling and help me?" I asked sweetly, pulling my bed covers off. My whole left thigh was covered in bandages. It still throbbed painfully and I felt a sharp pain as I slightly lifted my leg. I cried out in pain.

"Carmen! You really shouldn't be leaving your bed." Legolas told me sternly, trying to lie me back down in bed.

"Nonsense! I'm fine, I just, need help to walk." I said, putting my arms round his neck.

"She can sit just as still outside as she can in." Nikky said.

"Thanks Nick." I said grinning, and let Legolas take all my weight as we struggled outside, "Sorry if I weigh like a ton of bricks, I don't know how much weight I put on since last night."

"You are like a feather in my arms Carmen, we need to feed you, give you more strength." Legolas said seriously.

"I'm all lightheaded, I feel like I'm drunk… I should do this more often." Nikky said laughing.

"Fully! I'm with you on that." I said, of course, I didn't mind being this close to Legolas.

The air outside was crisp and refreshing, the sun blazing down, Nikky breathed a sigh of relief as the crisp morning breeze hit her face.

"That's much better." I sighed, getting rather ungraciously to the grass. Nicky sat next to me and we immediately adjusted ourselves as to catch the best rays of sun.

"I'll be brown again in no time." I said.

"I need a tan on my stomach." Nikky said, peeking at her stomach, "But it might be inappropriate to haul my top up with all these men about."

"I think you could give them a heart attack, showing that much skin. Remember we are in a time where it is considered slutty to show your shins." I said, glancing round at the guys, "Although, I don't think they'd mind much."

"They should count themselves lucky." Nikky muttered under her breath.

"I think Haldir does." I said. He was staring avidly at Nikky and gave a start as he heard his name.

"Lucky or cursed?" Nikky said grinning.

"Oh. My. God. LUCKY!!!!" I cried.

"Yeah, well, that's what _you_ think."

"Yeah, I think my opinion is very important." I said, giving her a look.

"To you or me?"

"To the whole frickin' world of course!" I said loudly, "Hear me, Middle Earth!"

All around us people turned to stare curiously. "I think they heard you." Nikky said solemnly.

"Oh shit! Sorry! Back to work." I said, waving.

Nikky reached up with her good arm and hauled Haldir onto the grass next to her.

I grabbed Legolas's knees and made him come toppling down on me. I giggled.

"Whoops!" I apologized.

"Whoops! Ha, such an accident." Legolas said grinning at me.

"There you are!" Aragorn had come jogging down to us, "You weren't in your beds, you could have let me know you were coming out here. When did you wake up Carmen?"

"Meh, not long ago. I feel OK; it's just my leg. It hurts like a bitch." I said unconcernedly.

"Auuuw. Come here, I'll give you a hug." Legolas said, and cuddled me.

"Hee, hee. That's all the anesthetic I need." I said cheekily.

"Hay Haldir, can I have some_ stronger_ anesthetic." Nikky said, grinning.

"What strength, My Lady?" Haldir asked, grinning.

"Oh, I'm in sooo much pain, it'll need to be the strongest you have." She replied.

Haldir didn't waste any more words, he leaned over and kissed her, as he pulled away, she grinned. "That's some weak anesthetic Haldir, cant you do better?"

He raised an eyebrow, and tried again, "Much better." Nikky replied as he pulled away, then she turned to me, "I hope you're not in as much pain as I am, your anesthetic seems kinda weak."

"Weak? Ha! OK, I think we should stop this now." I couldn't forget that Aragorn was standing right there.

"Well, anesthetic is usually dealt out in private, hmmm?" She said raising an eyebrow at Haldir.

"Uhhh, what _is_ anesthetic?" He asked.

"Ehmm, Nicky, Aragorn wants a word I think?" Nudging her. We laughed at Aragorn face. He looked like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"What?" Nikky asked him indignantly, "You did it on TV."

"Begging your pardon, my Lady, but I don't follow you. I would prefer it if I remained lost." Aragorn said, shaking his head.

"Cough Arwen cough…" Nikky spluttered.

"What do you know of Arwen?" He asked us, surprised, "You have not met her on our travels."

"The magic of television my friend."

"I'm afraid we must leave Helms Deep now. We are to travel to Isengard. Gandalf has some business there. Though what it is, I cannot guess." Aragorn informed us.

"You mean I have to ride with _this_?" I asked incredulously, "Won't it be really painful?"

"You can ride with me on Arod. I will make sure you do not get hurt." Legolas told me, getting to his feet.

"OK, I'm good!" I answered quickly. Riding with Legolas? Hell yes!

"And I will take care of The Lady Nikky." Haldir said, too quickly for my liking.

"We ride in one hour. We'll meet you at the Gate."

"So, what's going to happen to all your Dudes Haldir?" Nikky asked.

"My… Dudes?" He asked.

"You're so cute when you're confused!" Nikky said, "Your elf dudes, I mean."

"I think they'll go back to Lothlorien Nikky." I said.

"Yeah OK, whatever. Say bye for me. Meanwhile, we gotta get dressed appropriately and get to that gate." She said, rising slowly onto her feet.

"Uhh, dressed in what?" I asked doubtfully. We were still dressed in the original clothes, but they were now all ripped and completely unrecognizable. One leg of my trackies was completely ripped off, as they had to get to my wound. I looked like a complete gump. Nicky looked like she was wearing an off the shoulder top, that wasn't very fashionable.

"Man, we actually need to find some new clothes. I can't stand wearing this any longer!" I cried in desperation.

"Ummm, so we can't exactly go in our dresses…"

"OK, I'm going to ask a local for some clothes. I am not wearing this shit any longer," I said, standing defiantly. Except that I fell over in immense pain.

"Shit Carmen, you OK?" Nikky exclaimed.

My eyes were stinging with tears, "Yup, I'm, good, I suppose."

Legolas quickly bent down and gathered me into his arms.

I sneaked a quick look at Nikky as Legolas started walking towards the ward. She looked at me with a smile. "I feel drunk again! I never want to sit down again! Eternal drunkenness!" She cheered staggering slightly.

I laughed hysterically.

"OK. You stay here and I'll go get you some clothes." Legolas said to me, backing out of the room.

"OK, make sure they're fashionable!" I called after him.

"Fashionable? Carmen, Legolas wouldn't know fashionable if it slapped him in the face." Nikky said, chortling.

"Yeah, guess you're right."

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow!" I cried, as I bumped along on Arod, sidesaddle and in excruciating pain.

"We're almost there." Legolas crowed.

"Almost there! We're only at the Fords of Isen!" I said in exasperation.

"OK, so there is still a bit to go…" Legolas said delicately.

"Just shut it Carmen." Nikky said, to my frustration.

But I decided to let it slide.

"Na uh."

"Ya huh."

OK, maybe not.

Atleast Legolas had found us some clothes. I was wearing a normal day dress, as was Nikky, to her annoyance.

"Come on this is the 21st Century! We should be able to wear what we like!" She argued, her inner I-am-woman-here-me-roar fighting its way out.

"Uuuh, Nicky? The 21st Century was left behind in New Zealand." I reminded her.

"Oh yeah. But still, this is completely sexist and I won't stand for it!"

Now it was my turn to tell her to shut up, which I did.

"Fine, don't stand up for woman-kind then." She huffed.

"I'm too tired to be politically correct Nicky."

"Fair enough."

We lapsed into silence, which lasted for about thirty seconds, until Nicky said:

"Are we there yet?"

I tried not to giggle.

Twenty seconds later:

"Are we there yet?"

I covered my mouth with my hand, trying my hardest not to explode with laughter.

A minute later:

"Are we there _yet_?"

It was only a matter of time before someone cracked…

"Are we---"

"NO!" about twenty people screamed at her.

I couldn't help it, I laughed into the angry silence and Nicky joined me.

"I don't think we are Nicky." I chortled.

"No, I suppose not." She smiled at me.

It was going to be a long ride to Isengard…

U no u wanna flame me... go on... press the button...dare ya


	10. Old Tooks' Finest Ale

Hello everyone!! Thank you to all the people who take the time to read and message us...sugarfaerie, TRS, and ma buddy Lulu...we'll put u in somewhere doll. Theres still ALOT of story to go...

I was half-asleep when I saw the gigantic stone statue of the hand come rising out of the fog. I recognized it immediately; we had reached our destination.

I grinned in the half-light; "are we there yet?"

"Yes, we are indeed." Gandalf replied.

Nicky looked at him, scandalized.

"Its all in the timing Nicky." I told her.

"Cheat, you knew we were here."

I shrugged.

"What are we---" I started to ask Gandalf, but he cut me off.

"Ssshhh, you will find out soon."

We carried on.

We hadn't gone far through the mists when we came to the ruinous mounds of a great gate.

And sitting upon that gate was…

Merry and Pippin.

"Ha!" I laughed.

"What on earth?" Nicky cried.

"Don't you mean 'Middle Earth'?" I asked her.

"Same difference. But how did they get here?"

Meanwhile, Merry was starting to wake. They had been lying down and snoozing with a selection of plates and bowls and smells surrounding them.

"Ah, my good friend Pippin. The cavalry has arrived!" Merry cried, giving Pippin a good shake.

"Wha-what?" Pippin yawned.

Merry stumbled onto the very top of the small mountain they had been resting on, and spread his arms wide and swayed slightly in drunken cheeriness.

"Welcome, My Lords, to Isengard!" He cried.

"Okay, I'm keen for some of that piss, chuck it right here." Nikky replied, struggling to dismount the horse that she was sitting on, succeeding only in falling flat on her face.

"Careful Nikky, I will NOT be holding your hair back when you're spewing everywhere." I said.

"Ha, next to the anesthetic we already have, alcohol is the next best thing, I wanna get fucked!"

"We haven't had alcohol in a while…And we don't know how strong their piss is." I looked Merry over. He looked extremely tipsy…Well, there _were_ a lot of bottles around him.

"Jeez," Nikky replied rolling her eyes, "Always the responsible one Carmen. Anyway, I can handle!"

"Hope you can. Dunno how much is left over…These two have got fairly stuck in by the looks of it." I said, laughing at Pippin who was about to fall over.

"Oh no, I've been waiting _months _to get pissed! If these two little punks have drunk it all already, there will be HELL to pay!"

"Hmmm… I have an idea Nikky…How about while this lot go and have a nice chat to Treebeard, we can stay behind and keep Merry and Pippin company… Make sure they don't do anything stupid in their, drunken state." I gave Nikky a pointed look.

"Ladies, I don't think it prudent for you two to drink anything this soon after your injuries." Raising an eyebrow at their various bandages. "You better come with us." Gandalf said, giving us a sideways look

"Oh Gandalf, you don't have to worry, there's no alcohol left…" Nikky said moving slightly to obstruct the crate of bottles behind her.

Gandalf frowned, "And besides Gandalf, with me here, Nikky can't possibly get in trouble…" I gave him my sweetest smile.

"I don't want to leave your side Carmen, I'll wait with you." Legolas said.

"And I." Followed Haldir.

"Ohhh, you don't have to do that boys. Honest, we'll be … _fine_." Nikki said winningly.

"Yeah, you don't want to miss out on meeting Treebeard do you? He's so interesting… Isn't he Merry?" I turned to Merry.

"Indeed!" He yelled, toasting Treebeard with an empty bottle in his fist.

"I suppose you cant cause too much trouble without any alcohol… Alright, but just be careful, and don't _touch_ anything!" Aragorn said sternly.

"Oh, don't worry about us. We'll be on our best behavior." Nikky replied sweetly.

Gandalf frowned further, "That's what I'm afraid of."

As they rode off, I frowned and leaned towards Nikky, "Is alcohol classed as 'anything'?"

"Nooo, of course not, alcohol is a class of its own!" Nikky replied tearing the lid off the crate with the edge of her sword.

"OK then, that's good. Chuck one my way bruddah." I said, holding out my hands.

Nikky threw one brown bottle at me and I caught it, looking at it with interest. The label read: 'Old Tooks' Finest Ale, since the forging of the Rings.'

Nikky took a long swag of her bottle, "Scull!" She yelled and threw the bottle back.

"A little at a time Nikky!" I said, sipping my Ale.

Nikky finished and threw the bottle behind her, as she grabbed another one from the crate she said, "Toughen up woman! This shit is good, and we _are _aiming to get pissed, although," She said, giving me a calculating look, "you never could handle."

"'Could never handle'?! I'll show you handling…" And I threw back my bottle as well, drinking as much as I could. I spluttered halfway through.

"Not quite as good as you Nikky…"

"No doubt, I scull whole you scull half? See who wins?" She said raising her eyebrows.

"You do! Well, no matter. To Nikky, for suggesting this in the first place!" And I raised my bottle in a toast.

"To me! Ohhh yeah."

"Well, this little visit has proved most useful after all!" Gandalf happily told the group as they made their way back from the Tower of Isengard.

"Indeed yes," Aragorn said, "it eases my mind to know that Saruman's power has been thrown."

"I can't wait to tell the Lady Carmen of this news." Legolas said happily.

Then suddenly Haldir laughed, "Try to tell her anything!" He said, pointing towards where the girls were. Legolas looked up and comprehension dawned slowly on his face.

"What is it? What do you see?" Said Gandalf.

Then with the arrival of a gust of wind came a verse of loud bawdy song. "_…and with the tide, came the call, of the great Pusseeeey…"_

"What do you see!?" Cried Aragorn frantically, "I told them not to touch!"

"Gandalf! Gandalf! Look what we found!" Carmen called heartily, pointing to an Orc helmet, as the group walked closer everyone could see the empty crates littering the ground around the girls. Carmen picked up the helmet and put it on her head, "Raaarh, I am and ORC! I will eat your… your… spleen!"

Nikky burst into a fit of laughing and clutched her sides as she rolled around on the ground. The group of men just stared open mouthed at the spectacle that the girls were creating.

"Pippin! Pippin come here I want to eat your spleen!" Carmen wound her way over to where Pippin was sitting, hiccoughing on a log of wood.

Nikky lurched to her feet still giggling and staggered over to the men, where she dropped her arm around Aragorns shoulders and said slurrily, "Araborn… gorn… Ara… Aragorn, you're one of the best friends I've ever had… Honesth…tttt. I love you man…"

"Uhh, yes. I… am fond of you too, Lady Nikki…" Aragorn said, leaning slightly away.

"Hey buddy," Nikky said jerking away from him, "D… don't eeever catt me thall… call me that! It's just Nikki… Nicholas… Nicola. Do you knbow my name is _actually_ Nicola… Nicola Leigh Abaraham… I mean AbrAham…"

"Nikky! Nicky we haven't finished our song!" Carmen dragged her away from the guys and put her arm around her and attempted to sway, but was really just hanging off Nikky.

"Ahem…" Nikky said, "From the top, "_I wanna have sex on the beach, come on everybodeey… SEX ON THE BEACH…"_

"Wait!" Carmen shrieked, "that's not the song! The other song!"

Nikky giggled, "Sex…"

"We're not near burp a beach Nikky! We're in the middle of some raaandom as place… I don't even knooooow what its called." And she stumbled over a rock.

"_I wanna have sex in the middle of a random place… MIDDLE OF A RANDOM PLACE…_No, but seriously here guys… Sex… hehehe." Nikky said.

"Leg… Leglaaaa…Sorry, Legolasssss, I'm a bit…hmmm…I dunno what I amm…no wait, I'm an ORC!" She punched the sky.

"Nonono," Nikky said quickly holding Carmen at arms length, "You're a Tiger! Growl for me…"

"Rowl… Rarhhg! No wait! _It's the, eye of the tiiiigre its thee frill of de fight…"_

"_Risin up to de kkalang of our wwivaals, tha last known survivah talks his prey in the night…" _Nikky gave Carmen a knowing look, then they both sang at the top of their lungs, "_AND HE'S WATCHING US ALLLL WIF DE EYYYYYYYE… OF DE TIGGREE!"_

"Oh dear." Said Gandalf.

"Where!? Wheres the deer, letsa go HUNTING!" Nikky yelled.

"We warned them." Aragorn said.

"Hear hear!" Merry squeaked.

Nikky ran up and grabbed Haldirs hand, "Hunt with me!"

"Legolas!" Carmen cried, "we can go with them! Come on! Quick before it runs away…"

"Double date! YUS, vene… vennes… nenshin… venison for dinner!" Nikky squealed delightedly.

"Legolasss! I LOVE venison!" Carmen tugged on his arm.

Pippin stumbled up to Carmen and Legolas and said, "I… ah… I like venneeeshon…"

Suddenly Carmen stood stock still, eyes wide. She began tugging on Legolas' arm.

"Legolass… do you know… do you…know...you know you have the COOLEST eyes…they're blue ay." She squinted at him.

"…_Ooooooooohh baby do you know what that's worf? Ohh heaven is a place on earf…_ Haldir… I wanna go to heaven… but you hafto come… we can live in heaven togeter…" Then she frowned and staggered slightly, "I've decided… we cant go to heaven… there are christiians there… they wont like me…"

"Mmm…those Christiansss…_always _trouble…" Carmen nodded slowly.

Then Nikky said, "_And_," She said, slapping her hand on the nearest surface for emphasis, "They always try to take your money… my hand hurts…"

Haldir grinned and grabbed her arm in one hand while he rubbed his chest, the nearest surface, slightly, "We'll have matching bruises."

"And those Christians…_NO _sex before marrigae Nikky!" Carmen waved her finger in her face.

"How… _barbaric…_ how can they not… do the deed… even if they're drunk… you get drunk and your as horny as a cactus…" She said eyeing Haldir speculatively.

"Nikky! Watch your language. There are gentleeemen heere…"

"Ha! You try and tell me that you're not horny right now…"

"I most certainly am NOT!" Carmen said, "OK maybe just a lil…"

"D'ya… d'ya hear tha' Leglasss? Nows your chance… just take her round the corer there… and your inn… I promissssss." Nikky said nodding knowingly.

"He is not 'innn' Nikky." Carmen said crossly.

"Beelieeve me Crmin… you woo… wont be compainin' when your round that corner… heh…"

"No Nikky, Lehgolasss is a geeentlemeen and he won't take advaaantage of mee…. No…"

"Its NOT tahhkin' advantage if… if you're hoorny." Nikky said, attempting to wink cheekily at Legolas, but only succeeding in blinking solemnly like an owl.

"True that… true… but Nikky… Nikky I need to sleep Nikky because I'm tired and Nikky we're probababbly going on a _noble _adventuuur tomro and Nikky, Nikky we need to be FIT!" Carmen said sternly.

"Carmen…Cah…Carmen though… Leglass will think your _very_ noble… if… if you g… go round that corner with him riiiight now…"

"We _really_ need to get these girls to bed…" Gandalf said, louder than necessary to be heard over Nikky's cackling, and Carmens stuttering denial.

Nikky looked up at Gandalf, "I'm… not goin' _anywhere _and only to bed I… if Haldir is in it… mmmm."

"Can, can Legolas be in mine too?" Carmen looked up at Gandalf.

"Yummm Haldir in mah beeed…"

"Legolasss in _mmyyy _bed…I'll sleep betta I think." She nodded enthusiastically.

Haldir tugged on Nikky's hand, "Come on… I think you ought to get to bed."

"No!" Nikky said digging her heels in the ground.

"I'll be there with you…"

"Oh. In that case… whoops!" She said as she stumbled over a rock, "G'night…"

"Good…night Nikky. Rest up for that…big venture thingy thing tomowo!" Carmen waved at her retreating back.

Nikky looked over her shoulder, "Wh…who's gunna be sleeping…"

"Oooooohh…"

Legolas put an arm round Carmen's waist, "You too."

"Oh but come on guys! There might be some bottles left that I didn't see…" Carmen looked around her feet. "Y… You can have some too…"

"No thankyou… Come now, there might be some in your blanket…" Legolas said, luring her away.

"Oh yeah I think I put some there before… you can have half Legolas…well, the small half…" Carmen pulled him after her.

The sudden silence now in the glade (Merry and Pippin had fallen asleep a while ago) was almost ringing now that the girls were gone. The men looked at one another.

"That," said Aragorn, "Was… interesting."

"_Never_ give alcohol to a human. Or, as a matter of fact, especially not an Elf." Said Gimli.

Thanks for reading folks!!! im sure there are some ppl who i forgot to mention...but we love u all!!! Goodness its fun being a Mary Sue. Honestly, its soooo has a bad rep, but its soooo fun.


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